-Marc Brownstein on 12.12.07 Advertising Age
Truer words were never spoken. I was speaking today with a producer we were shooting with, and I was reminded that we have 3 account people on our 1 account. Ya, it's kind of a big piece of business, but the account people don't do their jobs correctly. If they did, we would only need 1 of them. We've got a "marketing manager", a regular marketing girl, and an associate. Truth of the matter is that the associate is a waste of space and well, the manager leads when she wants to do and drops the ball when she wants to. Hell, they both need to get fired. But with the associate, I could have told you that within the first month of her being at work. It's funny though, every time she's fucked up, people get more upset over the complaints they get about her, than they do about her sucking at her job. How the hell does that make sense?! I agree with Mr. Brownstein, it's easy to know when someone sucks. Just like it should be easy to fire them. But to hire someone quickly, just to fill a space? Well, that's just stupid. Too bad that's my agency's way. Too bad they give people 6 months (ya, you heard me right) to get it right before they get fired as well. Remind me again why the hell I work here?!
Thursday, December 13, 2007
Monday, December 03, 2007
Soft Pussy
They call him soft pussy. I've always known that he sucked, but surprisingly, I never gave him a nickname. Ever since I joined his team, I noticed that he was a pussy. He can't come up with big ideas, he doesn't motivate his team to do better work, and all he ever does is doubt everything. Either he hates an idea, or he's not sure about it. Up until the minute a site goes live, he'll insist that he's still not sure it's gonna work out. He looks up to the giants like everyone else does, but he doesn't do anything to match the genius other agencies have. Upper management refers to him as "soft pussy" and now I know why.
I haven't had a rant like this in a long time. Maybe that's because he's never pissed me off like he did today. Mr. Soft Pussy likes to employ soft peons on his team, save for me, the black sheep. He likes having passive people under him because that makes his job easier. He'll show us work other people have done and talk about how great the stuff is, telling us (not inspiring us) to do work like it. He'll present websites he just found that we've been circulating for weeks. He'll talk about how the reason we're not winning awards is because our ideas are too small- he's approved all of them. Well guess what Mr. Soft Pussy, if the ideas are too small, DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT. Inspire us. Take us on excursions. Motivate us to do better. Sit in on brainstorms. Offer us guidance on how to think bigger. Don't just tell us that our ideas are too fucking small! Our ideas are too small because you've widdled them down 'til an idiot sleeping on the goddamned subway would be able to check it out. And guess what else Mr. Soft Pussy, you fucking approved all of these ideas. So, if you're telling us that everything sucks, why don't you step back and take a look at what you're doing wrong too!!
Here's the problem. Coming out of a creative ad school puts you a step above people in the corporate world. These dudes have been working at the same agency for years, still stuck on a PC, and have no idea what the newest trend is. They don't know how to concept for a medium they weren't trained for in undergrad. Mr. Soft Pussy can't even view half of our sites because he doesn't know how to use his computer! And then, Mr. SP has the nerve to tell me that he doesn't think our ideas are big enough. Maybe that's because he wouldn't know if a good idea hit him in the face! Or maybe it's because he's got me working under world's most passive ACD aka Ms. Jr. SP. She's stoic about everything! If a big idea she didn't come up with is presented, she either doesn't acknowledge it or she shoots it down. The 2 of them have me working with this new AD- and by new, I mean, he's never worked in a creative department, he's never worked with a writer, and he sure as hell does not know how to concept or design- he basically lied on his resume. Six goddamned months I've been in hell, and SP has the nerve to tell me that I should be carrying douchekid art director if he sucks that much. He doesn't offer a partner switch, he doesn't offer to make things better. Rather, for the last 6 months, he's told me that they're doing "something" about it. Today, he revealed that he's been lying. He hasn't done shit. What does that tell me about how he values me as a team member? He tells me that the work this morning was terrible and that it impacts poorly on him. About fucking time he's realized that this isn't working!!
Look, I'll own up to ditching a few concepting sessions here and there because I can't bare the thought of working with douchekid. But shit, if I wanted to work alone, I'd open up my own shop. Nah, fuck that- you can't work alone in advertising! Just give me a goddamned talented team and I'll show you what good work is, Soft Pussy!!!
Honestly though, what does it say about senior management's skills if they refer to one of their worker bees as "Soft Pussy" but don't have the nerve to do anything about it?? All I know is that I would rather work for a Hard Cock of a Creative Director anyday, then work for with douchekid, Ms. Jr. SP, and this pathetic hack.
I haven't had a rant like this in a long time. Maybe that's because he's never pissed me off like he did today. Mr. Soft Pussy likes to employ soft peons on his team, save for me, the black sheep. He likes having passive people under him because that makes his job easier. He'll show us work other people have done and talk about how great the stuff is, telling us (not inspiring us) to do work like it. He'll present websites he just found that we've been circulating for weeks. He'll talk about how the reason we're not winning awards is because our ideas are too small- he's approved all of them. Well guess what Mr. Soft Pussy, if the ideas are too small, DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT. Inspire us. Take us on excursions. Motivate us to do better. Sit in on brainstorms. Offer us guidance on how to think bigger. Don't just tell us that our ideas are too fucking small! Our ideas are too small because you've widdled them down 'til an idiot sleeping on the goddamned subway would be able to check it out. And guess what else Mr. Soft Pussy, you fucking approved all of these ideas. So, if you're telling us that everything sucks, why don't you step back and take a look at what you're doing wrong too!!
Here's the problem. Coming out of a creative ad school puts you a step above people in the corporate world. These dudes have been working at the same agency for years, still stuck on a PC, and have no idea what the newest trend is. They don't know how to concept for a medium they weren't trained for in undergrad. Mr. Soft Pussy can't even view half of our sites because he doesn't know how to use his computer! And then, Mr. SP has the nerve to tell me that he doesn't think our ideas are big enough. Maybe that's because he wouldn't know if a good idea hit him in the face! Or maybe it's because he's got me working under world's most passive ACD aka Ms. Jr. SP. She's stoic about everything! If a big idea she didn't come up with is presented, she either doesn't acknowledge it or she shoots it down. The 2 of them have me working with this new AD- and by new, I mean, he's never worked in a creative department, he's never worked with a writer, and he sure as hell does not know how to concept or design- he basically lied on his resume. Six goddamned months I've been in hell, and SP has the nerve to tell me that I should be carrying douchekid art director if he sucks that much. He doesn't offer a partner switch, he doesn't offer to make things better. Rather, for the last 6 months, he's told me that they're doing "something" about it. Today, he revealed that he's been lying. He hasn't done shit. What does that tell me about how he values me as a team member? He tells me that the work this morning was terrible and that it impacts poorly on him. About fucking time he's realized that this isn't working!!
Look, I'll own up to ditching a few concepting sessions here and there because I can't bare the thought of working with douchekid. But shit, if I wanted to work alone, I'd open up my own shop. Nah, fuck that- you can't work alone in advertising! Just give me a goddamned talented team and I'll show you what good work is, Soft Pussy!!!
Honestly though, what does it say about senior management's skills if they refer to one of their worker bees as "Soft Pussy" but don't have the nerve to do anything about it?? All I know is that I would rather work for a Hard Cock of a Creative Director anyday, then work for with douchekid, Ms. Jr. SP, and this pathetic hack.
Friday, November 23, 2007
Bucket a Chicken
MMMM...
What, is there something on my face?
Post-food coma
Sure, you could eat at KFC. But only a stupidhead drunk on holiday in London would think it's a good idea to get a bucket of chicken with 4 sides at 5 am. Did I mention that there's a huge outbreak of bird flu in the UK right now? God I'm stupid. And no, I didn't make this choice alone...
Thursday, November 01, 2007
I write a mean blog
I was reminded tonite that while my writing for work may not be entertaining (thanks to certain clients who continually make me boring), my blog doesn't suck. Thank you Rick Webb.
So, I've decided that I should give an update on Starfucks. Here's the deal:
-Brace dude- he gets all sorts of excited when he sees me, because who wouldn't be stoked when they get to call someone by first name at stupid o'clock in the morning. He still doesn't remember my name, or my order, but by gosh, he gives me a smile. It does mildly annoy me though when he tries making chit chat.
-Stupid girl- yes, she's still stupid. No, she doesn't remember my order. And no, she still doesn't remember my name. The other day, I reciprocated the "how are you" greeting, and the dumb idiot actually goes on to tell me that her life sucks. What do you say to that? My response? "Don't worry, your life can only get better." Ha. I'm awesome. Sometimes she'll try and remember my order, and forget the extra-hot part. Pisses me off. She's so stupid.
-Tall girl- Yup. Still tall. She now refers to my order as "the usual." Love that. What I don't love is that the other day, I asked her about whether or not the Starbucks card can be used abroad and she didn't know the answer. You work at fucking Starbucks. How can you not now the basics about your loyalty program!? Esp. when you have a big ass promotion going on with Apple iTunes. You should know everything about the card if you have at least 2 posters up in your stupid store. Steve Jobs is gonna be real pissed when he gets my letter about this.
-Coffee guy. He doesn't say hi. He won't make eye contact. He doesn't give me my drink by name anymore. Hell, I don't even think he adds love to my drink anymore. I think he's upset we didn't make out. But I'm not. And that's all that matters. Woohoo!
P.s. Halloween in NY is whack. Kinda like crack. But in a much better entertaining way.
So, I've decided that I should give an update on Starfucks. Here's the deal:
-Brace dude- he gets all sorts of excited when he sees me, because who wouldn't be stoked when they get to call someone by first name at stupid o'clock in the morning. He still doesn't remember my name, or my order, but by gosh, he gives me a smile. It does mildly annoy me though when he tries making chit chat.
-Stupid girl- yes, she's still stupid. No, she doesn't remember my order. And no, she still doesn't remember my name. The other day, I reciprocated the "how are you" greeting, and the dumb idiot actually goes on to tell me that her life sucks. What do you say to that? My response? "Don't worry, your life can only get better." Ha. I'm awesome. Sometimes she'll try and remember my order, and forget the extra-hot part. Pisses me off. She's so stupid.
-Tall girl- Yup. Still tall. She now refers to my order as "the usual." Love that. What I don't love is that the other day, I asked her about whether or not the Starbucks card can be used abroad and she didn't know the answer. You work at fucking Starbucks. How can you not now the basics about your loyalty program!? Esp. when you have a big ass promotion going on with Apple iTunes. You should know everything about the card if you have at least 2 posters up in your stupid store. Steve Jobs is gonna be real pissed when he gets my letter about this.
-Coffee guy. He doesn't say hi. He won't make eye contact. He doesn't give me my drink by name anymore. Hell, I don't even think he adds love to my drink anymore. I think he's upset we didn't make out. But I'm not. And that's all that matters. Woohoo!
P.s. Halloween in NY is whack. Kinda like crack. But in a much better entertaining way.
Wednesday, July 25, 2007
Fuck United Airlines
They are quite possibly the worst airline in the whole galaxy. Their new system of checking in at the airport has wasted minutes of my life that I can never get back. It's the first time that I will acknowledge that machines cannot replace people when it comes to air travel. Here's how they time-raped me:
Thursday nite:
I sign up online to receive calls from United confirming my flights.
Friday morning- flight @ 8:20 am from Boston to San Fran:
-Get a call from United at 6 am. My flight has been cancelled says the automated machine. Would I like to speak to a reservation specialist? Fuck yes, I would.
-6:15 am, talk with a reservation woman. She tells me the next flight to San Fran from Boston through United is at 4 pm. She re-routes me on another flight leaving Boston at 9:30 am through American Airlines. But I need to check in with United first, get my tickets, then proceed to American for my flight. The airline recommends getting to the airport 90 minutes before my flight. Cool, my trip is saved.
- On way to airport, I call the car service that's picking me up in San Fran. Tell them my new flight number and arrival time.
- Get to the airport at 8 am. Stand in line for "easy" check-in. Get to the front. My confirmation # doesn't work. BIG SURPRISE. United lady puts me in another line named "additional services." Nothing about that line was "easy."
-While in line, I get a call from the car service. The flight I gave him doesn't exist. Awesome.
- In line at "additional services"- some dude passes out and the paramedics come. Only problem? Dude is fuckin' blocking one of the counters with flight agent. My line doesn't move for 20 minutes until this dude can get up. Turns out he was hungover. Thanks for being a waste of space asshole. Riddle me this- how come Fergie can't board a plane cuz she's visibly drunk, but random-passed-out-hungover dude is allowed to check in to his flight after he's wasted our tax dollars on paramedics and helped half of us miss our flight??? Not even an apology from him to the people in line, for being such an ugly douchebag. I hate him and wish something worse had happened to him, just to justify his suckage of my time.
- Get to counter at 8:45 am- note: 45 minutes before my flight. Dumb travel agent is training a new girl and speaks as if other girl doesn't know english. Wastes 10 minutes explaining things to her. Lo and behold, the flight exists, but the dumb broad I spoke to on the phone, didn't follow protocol to get my ticket. I have no confirmation. Flight is booked.
- I go ripshit on idiot counter lady. Dropped the passenger bill of rights on her ass and demanded she get me on a flight since she's now made me miss any chance of going standby on this flight. She tells me there's nothing she can do and offers to get the supervisor. Damn right, bitch.
-Supervisor comes over, I explain that I got robbed by United. She tells counter girl to look away cuz she's about to do something illegal. Next thing I know, I'm booked on the 11 am flight through United to San Fran (WHAAA- THERE WAS AN 11 AM FLIGHT THE WHOLE TIME? Dumb bitch on the phone lied to me!!) with an aisle emergency row seat, and all for the price of going through extra security screening. Hell yes. Supervisors are supervisors for a reason. They work hard for their money.
Ok, so maybe that wasn't so bad. But check this:
Sunday morning- 1 pm flight from San Fran to Boston- direct flight
-Car service coming to get me at 11. Yeehaw.
-9:30 am, I call airline. Guess what?!!? My mutha fuckin flight is cancelled AGAIN!!
- Get on phone with reservation person again. She puts me on new flight at 1:55 pm through Chicago. 47 minute layover, then have flight to Boston.
- Call car service- they say they'll pick me up at noon.
_ Guess what?! Never got the fucking flight status call from United I signed up for. What a waste.
-Get to airport at 12:15 pm. Stand in line for "easy" check-in. Get to check-in and once again, my shit don't work!! United line lady tells me I need to speak to a counter person.
- I go to counter person, he orders me to stand in "additional services" line and tells me to wait my turn. FUCKING ASSHOLE, LET THE GAMES BEGIN. AGAIN.
-I get in line, again. While i'm waiting in line, everyone is on the phone with the airline. I call them too. After the third time yelling "Help" at their automated system, I finally get a live person. I yell at that person for having such a shitty system, she does nothing. Apologizes. About fucking time. First and only apology I ever got from United.
-People in line are all too nice. Notice people coming from other lines and cutting our line. No one says anything, we all just fester in anger.
-1 pm: I get to front of the line. I see a Russian bitch try and cut to speak to an agent. I yell across the room "I don't think so, lady! Get in line like everyone else!" Of course the slut is on the phone and tries telling me in broken english that she needs to make her flight. "Join the club. Wait your turn like everyone else. I'm serious. Get. In line and wait your friggin turn." I take no prisoners.
-Russian lady gets smacked down by Nazi counter agent and she storms off, still on the phone with her husband-to-be who probably mail ordered her.
-I get to counter. Counter agent lady is mad at me. Probably for yelling at Russian girl. I don't care. She tells me she hates her job. I tell her I hate her job too. And her airline. She wants to quit. Rad. Fix my shit first, woman!
- She does, but can't give me a seat. At least she gives me a seat from Chicago to Boston. Thanks god.
1:25 pm- Get to counter to get my seat assignment. They had called my name and had a seat for me, praise Allah.
1:45 pm- Get on the flight only to realize there are about 300 people on the plane. I have the last seat in the last row. Of course. I tell a flight attendant that I have 47 minutes between my connecting flight and that it would be awesome if close to landing, I could possibly move up to the front-ish part of the plane. She shoots me down saying it's a full flight. Really? No shit bitch- I had to wade through 300 stanky people to get to my seat.
7:50 pm- 15 minutes before landing in Chicago another attendant assures me it will only take 3.5 minutes for everyone to de-board. I will not miss my flight. What is it with this airline and their redonkulous lies?!
8:15 pm- Get off plane (it DID NOT take 3.5 minutes for people to get off- you do the math). Run to get food and pee. Run to terminal for connecting flight. Ha. Flight is fucking delayed. For shame.
8:55 pm- Finally get on plane to Boston. ETA, 12:09 am.
12:15 am- De-board, get my luggage. Wait on longest taxi line ever. Can't wait to get home and curse United in the comfort of my own home.
As you can see, FLYING UNITED AIRLINES IS A WASTE OF YOUR MONEY AND TIME. Spend the extra $100 and go JetBlue. They never let you down. Sigh. I heart JetBlue.
**I'm sorry if I offended any people of Russian decent. Lesson of the story, if you're on the cell phone while dealing with a dilemma, anything that sets you apart from anyone else will be picked on. End of story.
**Also, I don't really wish anything bad on random-passed-out-hungover dude. There's something in the Old Testament that says something like, intentionally embarassing someone is comparable to murder. So I suppose his embarassment of being a retard was similar to wanting to die. Which in itself is a pretty shitty feeling. I guess he probably felt like a HUGE douchebag, and that's enough for me.
Thursday nite:
I sign up online to receive calls from United confirming my flights.
Friday morning- flight @ 8:20 am from Boston to San Fran:
-Get a call from United at 6 am. My flight has been cancelled says the automated machine. Would I like to speak to a reservation specialist? Fuck yes, I would.
-6:15 am, talk with a reservation woman. She tells me the next flight to San Fran from Boston through United is at 4 pm. She re-routes me on another flight leaving Boston at 9:30 am through American Airlines. But I need to check in with United first, get my tickets, then proceed to American for my flight. The airline recommends getting to the airport 90 minutes before my flight. Cool, my trip is saved.
- On way to airport, I call the car service that's picking me up in San Fran. Tell them my new flight number and arrival time.
- Get to the airport at 8 am. Stand in line for "easy" check-in. Get to the front. My confirmation # doesn't work. BIG SURPRISE. United lady puts me in another line named "additional services." Nothing about that line was "easy."
-While in line, I get a call from the car service. The flight I gave him doesn't exist. Awesome.
- In line at "additional services"- some dude passes out and the paramedics come. Only problem? Dude is fuckin' blocking one of the counters with flight agent. My line doesn't move for 20 minutes until this dude can get up. Turns out he was hungover. Thanks for being a waste of space asshole. Riddle me this- how come Fergie can't board a plane cuz she's visibly drunk, but random-passed-out-hungover dude is allowed to check in to his flight after he's wasted our tax dollars on paramedics and helped half of us miss our flight??? Not even an apology from him to the people in line, for being such an ugly douchebag. I hate him and wish something worse had happened to him, just to justify his suckage of my time.
- Get to counter at 8:45 am- note: 45 minutes before my flight. Dumb travel agent is training a new girl and speaks as if other girl doesn't know english. Wastes 10 minutes explaining things to her. Lo and behold, the flight exists, but the dumb broad I spoke to on the phone, didn't follow protocol to get my ticket. I have no confirmation. Flight is booked.
- I go ripshit on idiot counter lady. Dropped the passenger bill of rights on her ass and demanded she get me on a flight since she's now made me miss any chance of going standby on this flight. She tells me there's nothing she can do and offers to get the supervisor. Damn right, bitch.
-Supervisor comes over, I explain that I got robbed by United. She tells counter girl to look away cuz she's about to do something illegal. Next thing I know, I'm booked on the 11 am flight through United to San Fran (WHAAA- THERE WAS AN 11 AM FLIGHT THE WHOLE TIME? Dumb bitch on the phone lied to me!!) with an aisle emergency row seat, and all for the price of going through extra security screening. Hell yes. Supervisors are supervisors for a reason. They work hard for their money.
Ok, so maybe that wasn't so bad. But check this:
Sunday morning- 1 pm flight from San Fran to Boston- direct flight
-Car service coming to get me at 11. Yeehaw.
-9:30 am, I call airline. Guess what?!!? My mutha fuckin flight is cancelled AGAIN!!
- Get on phone with reservation person again. She puts me on new flight at 1:55 pm through Chicago. 47 minute layover, then have flight to Boston.
- Call car service- they say they'll pick me up at noon.
_ Guess what?! Never got the fucking flight status call from United I signed up for. What a waste.
-Get to airport at 12:15 pm. Stand in line for "easy" check-in. Get to check-in and once again, my shit don't work!! United line lady tells me I need to speak to a counter person.
- I go to counter person, he orders me to stand in "additional services" line and tells me to wait my turn. FUCKING ASSHOLE, LET THE GAMES BEGIN. AGAIN.
-I get in line, again. While i'm waiting in line, everyone is on the phone with the airline. I call them too. After the third time yelling "Help" at their automated system, I finally get a live person. I yell at that person for having such a shitty system, she does nothing. Apologizes. About fucking time. First and only apology I ever got from United.
-People in line are all too nice. Notice people coming from other lines and cutting our line. No one says anything, we all just fester in anger.
-1 pm: I get to front of the line. I see a Russian bitch try and cut to speak to an agent. I yell across the room "I don't think so, lady! Get in line like everyone else!" Of course the slut is on the phone and tries telling me in broken english that she needs to make her flight. "Join the club. Wait your turn like everyone else. I'm serious. Get. In line and wait your friggin turn." I take no prisoners.
-Russian lady gets smacked down by Nazi counter agent and she storms off, still on the phone with her husband-to-be who probably mail ordered her.
-I get to counter. Counter agent lady is mad at me. Probably for yelling at Russian girl. I don't care. She tells me she hates her job. I tell her I hate her job too. And her airline. She wants to quit. Rad. Fix my shit first, woman!
- She does, but can't give me a seat. At least she gives me a seat from Chicago to Boston. Thanks god.
1:25 pm- Get to counter to get my seat assignment. They had called my name and had a seat for me, praise Allah.
1:45 pm- Get on the flight only to realize there are about 300 people on the plane. I have the last seat in the last row. Of course. I tell a flight attendant that I have 47 minutes between my connecting flight and that it would be awesome if close to landing, I could possibly move up to the front-ish part of the plane. She shoots me down saying it's a full flight. Really? No shit bitch- I had to wade through 300 stanky people to get to my seat.
7:50 pm- 15 minutes before landing in Chicago another attendant assures me it will only take 3.5 minutes for everyone to de-board. I will not miss my flight. What is it with this airline and their redonkulous lies?!
8:15 pm- Get off plane (it DID NOT take 3.5 minutes for people to get off- you do the math). Run to get food and pee. Run to terminal for connecting flight. Ha. Flight is fucking delayed. For shame.
8:55 pm- Finally get on plane to Boston. ETA, 12:09 am.
12:15 am- De-board, get my luggage. Wait on longest taxi line ever. Can't wait to get home and curse United in the comfort of my own home.
As you can see, FLYING UNITED AIRLINES IS A WASTE OF YOUR MONEY AND TIME. Spend the extra $100 and go JetBlue. They never let you down. Sigh. I heart JetBlue.
**I'm sorry if I offended any people of Russian decent. Lesson of the story, if you're on the cell phone while dealing with a dilemma, anything that sets you apart from anyone else will be picked on. End of story.
**Also, I don't really wish anything bad on random-passed-out-hungover dude. There's something in the Old Testament that says something like, intentionally embarassing someone is comparable to murder. So I suppose his embarassment of being a retard was similar to wanting to die. Which in itself is a pretty shitty feeling. I guess he probably felt like a HUGE douchebag, and that's enough for me.
Wednesday, July 11, 2007
OMG Coffee!
The past 3 days have been quite interesting at my local shop aka Starfucks.
Monday:
I walked in at about 9:54 am after taking Friday off and tall girl yells, "There's Leah!!" Felt highly embarassed and kept wishing that there was a hot guy in front of me I could make a smart remark to in response. Ugh. I hate Mondays.
Tuesday:
Totally came in late- around 10:00 am. Tall girl tried remembering my order. Once again forgot it. Sigh.
Wednesday:
THE BREAKTHROUGH DAY!!
Ran late again- what a surprise. Walked in around 10:03 and saw a new dude at the register. I'm going to dub him Brace Dude. He's got braces- duh. So I walk up, and he gives me this big fake smile with his mouth full of braces and asks what I want. Tall girl totally intercepts and says, "Oh, this is Leah, she's one of our regulars." WOOHOO! I'M A MUTHAFUCKIN REGULAR!! So riddle me this...if I'm a regular how come she still had to ask what my order was?!!??! WTF!! So, I tell her my order for the zazillionth time, explain to Brace Dude how he's supposed to ring my order up and how much it should come to, give him my card and go and wait for Coffee guy to make mine. Tall girl asks how I am, I tell her I'm late. Then, get this... I get my coffee (yes, Coffee dude now just says my name, not my order) and as I'm walking out, Tall girl for the first time EVER yells, "BYE LEAH!" I look back, throw her the half smile, and walk out.
Monday:
I walked in at about 9:54 am after taking Friday off and tall girl yells, "There's Leah!!" Felt highly embarassed and kept wishing that there was a hot guy in front of me I could make a smart remark to in response. Ugh. I hate Mondays.
Tuesday:
Totally came in late- around 10:00 am. Tall girl tried remembering my order. Once again forgot it. Sigh.
Wednesday:
THE BREAKTHROUGH DAY!!
Ran late again- what a surprise. Walked in around 10:03 and saw a new dude at the register. I'm going to dub him Brace Dude. He's got braces- duh. So I walk up, and he gives me this big fake smile with his mouth full of braces and asks what I want. Tall girl totally intercepts and says, "Oh, this is Leah, she's one of our regulars." WOOHOO! I'M A MUTHAFUCKIN REGULAR!! So riddle me this...if I'm a regular how come she still had to ask what my order was?!!??! WTF!! So, I tell her my order for the zazillionth time, explain to Brace Dude how he's supposed to ring my order up and how much it should come to, give him my card and go and wait for Coffee guy to make mine. Tall girl asks how I am, I tell her I'm late. Then, get this... I get my coffee (yes, Coffee dude now just says my name, not my order) and as I'm walking out, Tall girl for the first time EVER yells, "BYE LEAH!" I look back, throw her the half smile, and walk out.
Monday, July 09, 2007
For you Mr. Vane
I had a very interesting last weekend in Seattle at my cousin't wedding. This weekend opened my eyes to the varying levels of humanity I've seen in the past 3 days. Here they are:
1) When was the last time you got a ride from a stranger and didn't feel uncomfortable? Patrick Vane is my hero. He arrived at my cousin's wedding arriving mid-day Sat. and left earlier-than-normal Sunday morning to give me a ride to the airport on account of my brother being a lame ass and not wanting to. Not only was it the best road trip I've ever had, but I think I've converted yet another wealthy person to indulge in coupons. I call him "wealthy" because he was rich in personality and chose to drive a Mini instead of his Porsche. I don't think I've ever sat in a car for 4 hours and not looked at my watch. So yes, today and for the rest of July, Patrick Vane has reached the quan of human decency.
2) Since when does a 50-something woman have precedence over a pregnant woman for a seat? I'm at the airport and a pregnant woman with a massive stroller and a 2 year-old on her hip walks over to this 50-something. She asks if anyone is sitting at the 4 seats she's hovering over. And the old woman says "yes." Pregnant lady with balls of steel, calls her out on it and asks "who?" And the old lady says while pointing, "Me, my husband, my mother and my son." FUCKING CUNT. So, the pregnant lady walks away, sweaty, irritated and fat looking for another seat. I couldn't help but glare at this wanna be cougar and want to punch her in the throat. Her life is almost over and this pregnant lady is not only carrying the future generation in her uterus, but she's holding an impressionable child who now has no idea what respect is. Pisses me off.
3) Ever since Lost came out, all I care about is my safety on a plane should we crash. I always ask for an emergency aisle seat. Well, this flight, I don't end up getting one. But guess who did...a dude who was missing a hand. So of course, I look at the emergency pamphlet and read through the eligibility section to see who's allowed to sit there. And guess what!? You need to have both hands and feet able and ready to perform the duties of emergency aisle sitter. Well fuck. Do you think anyone said a damn word to this dude?? Nope. I couldn't figure out why either. Would it be discrimination if the flight attendant had made him move? If so, wouldn't this discrimination be totally viable? Especially since other lives would have been in jeopardy if this dude couldn't use a second hand to get the door open? All I have to say is that the one-handed dude was lucky there wasn't an emergency. Cuz I would have trampled him to get that door opened...does that make me an asshole?
7/11/07 4:52 pm
THIS JUST IN COURTESY OF AN UNNAMED SOURCE:::
Turns out its okay to request the one hand wonder to move from his seat:
Two reasons actually:
1st - Under the constitution its okay to discriminate (read-kick a one handed wonder out of his seat) against a "protected group" (readhandicapped folks), as long as there is a RATIONAL RELATIONSHIP (Supreme court language) between the discriminatory act (Kicking the dude out) and a "greater governmental purpose" (making sure able bodied folks are sitting in the exit rows in case of an accident).
2nd - FAA (Federal Aviation Administration) regs specifically require that only able bodied individuals sit in emergency row exit seats. I know this because I worked my way through law school as a flight attendant for United oveseas routes.
THANKS FOR THIS ENLIGHTENING PIECE OF INFORMATION!! xo
Monday, June 25, 2007
The coffee guy is stalking me
So, I get to Starbucks today and of course the dumb girl attemps to remember my order. Totally fucks it up, yet again. After I correct her begrudgingly, I pay and wait for my coffee. Coffee guy comes up to me and asks if I was at Big City last weekend. I was. And I saw him there. And panicked. Because this is now the second time he's seen me outside of my happy Starbucks zone. Of course I admit that the truth and accuse him of stalking me. Tall girl is busy making my coffee and for the first time EVER she got personal. Asked me where I worked, how my weekend was, etc. Then she gets in on insisting that coffee guy is stalking me. And now, to add to Monday morning misery I'm reminded once again how small of a city Boston is and that my Starbucks coffee guy is inescapable. Maybe it's finally time to switch to a different Starbucks...
Tuesday, June 19, 2007
LMFAO
When all else fails, blue crazy girl can still bring a smile to my face. Every. Time. Full stop.
Praise Jebus
Sometimes, I wonder if life would be easier if I were born Christian, Catholic, or any one of those. I found this on some random girl's myspace page. She seems to believe in God and Jesus so entirely, it blows my mind. I mean, is life easier when you don't have to worry about boyfriends or marriage and you can just look to God to find happiness?
Monday, November 20, 2006
God stuff.... read only if you care about Him and me.
God blows my mind!! it seems like the second i think what else could go wrong or that it's all straighting out that it all hits the fan again (if you get my drift). and yet through it all i can sense God more than i have in a LONG time. i don't get it. there is so much to life right now i seriously feel like i have no emotion left and yet i can feel my soul crying. how did Jesus do it? i know i'm gonna get though this and i know that it's gonna rock more than breathing makes life happen and yet it's all so hazy. i feel God's presence so strong and i am listening to His voice but i feel so lost. it's like the more i'm willing to throw it to Him the more confused i get. He is so strong, so powerful, so amazing, so forgiving, so peaceful, so loving and my source of life and still i'm torn. if anyone has ever said that growing was easy they were serously wrong. don't get me wrong i'm excided to see God working but it's just to draining. i am really learning to put my energy in his hands, something i've never really had to do because He has always given me plenty. there are times that all i wanna do is sit in His presence but i know that i have stuff to do. God as i write this i have homework to be doing but i feel i need to write this. so once again i obey and surender my life and my grades to You. You have to give me the money and the grades to get though all this. You have to give me Your wisdom, Your energy, Your strength, Your peace and Your life. thanks God for the encouragement you have provided though caleb rowden's music. seroiusly every single song has spoken to me right where i am, now where i once was and not only just as little reminders but as worship and my heart crying out to God. God i'm not sure what all you're doing but i know i'm so excited to be part of it and i know that you're gonna get me and everyone else through it all, because you are a faithful God! my prayer is as follows: God, thanks for your love and please keep strengthening me in you and keep me in your glow. allow me to continue drawing on you and you on me as you lead me through life. You are so breathtaking and i am so speechless. God you are nothing more and nothing less than everything. "...my troubled mind, reminding me of desperation and of the peace i long to find, i wrestle with this world... it was your love a dead world's pardon, you gave it all, you gave for me, i'm falling into you. to you my life i will surrender, surreneder heart, min flesh and soul, reveal to me, reveal your calling, it is your will i long to know! cuz i'm falling into your love overwhelming, i'm falling into your grace, i'm falling where my heart knows no wrong, i'm falling into you..." God just take me in and be my all and all! ::sigh::
i know this is random as eating french fries on chistmas morning would be but it it just my heart and my thoughts. and yet i feel as if this can't and doesn't even begin to explain me, my thoughts and God.
9:20 PM - 0 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment
Crazy, huh? Amen sista. Amen.
Monday, November 20, 2006
God stuff.... read only if you care about Him and me.
God blows my mind!! it seems like the second i think what else could go wrong or that it's all straighting out that it all hits the fan again (if you get my drift). and yet through it all i can sense God more than i have in a LONG time. i don't get it. there is so much to life right now i seriously feel like i have no emotion left and yet i can feel my soul crying. how did Jesus do it? i know i'm gonna get though this and i know that it's gonna rock more than breathing makes life happen and yet it's all so hazy. i feel God's presence so strong and i am listening to His voice but i feel so lost. it's like the more i'm willing to throw it to Him the more confused i get. He is so strong, so powerful, so amazing, so forgiving, so peaceful, so loving and my source of life and still i'm torn. if anyone has ever said that growing was easy they were serously wrong. don't get me wrong i'm excided to see God working but it's just to draining. i am really learning to put my energy in his hands, something i've never really had to do because He has always given me plenty. there are times that all i wanna do is sit in His presence but i know that i have stuff to do. God as i write this i have homework to be doing but i feel i need to write this. so once again i obey and surender my life and my grades to You. You have to give me the money and the grades to get though all this. You have to give me Your wisdom, Your energy, Your strength, Your peace and Your life. thanks God for the encouragement you have provided though caleb rowden's music. seroiusly every single song has spoken to me right where i am, now where i once was and not only just as little reminders but as worship and my heart crying out to God. God i'm not sure what all you're doing but i know i'm so excited to be part of it and i know that you're gonna get me and everyone else through it all, because you are a faithful God! my prayer is as follows: God, thanks for your love and please keep strengthening me in you and keep me in your glow. allow me to continue drawing on you and you on me as you lead me through life. You are so breathtaking and i am so speechless. God you are nothing more and nothing less than everything. "...my troubled mind, reminding me of desperation and of the peace i long to find, i wrestle with this world... it was your love a dead world's pardon, you gave it all, you gave for me, i'm falling into you. to you my life i will surrender, surreneder heart, min flesh and soul, reveal to me, reveal your calling, it is your will i long to know! cuz i'm falling into your love overwhelming, i'm falling into your grace, i'm falling where my heart knows no wrong, i'm falling into you..." God just take me in and be my all and all! ::sigh::
i know this is random as eating french fries on chistmas morning would be but it it just my heart and my thoughts. and yet i feel as if this can't and doesn't even begin to explain me, my thoughts and God.
9:20 PM - 0 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment
Crazy, huh? Amen sista. Amen.
Friday, June 08, 2007
The Rules
My brother has 3 rules to a girl landing a boyfriend.
1- If you want a guy to be your boyfriend, don't sleep with him for at least 2 months. (read: sleep with him = sex)
2- Be unavailable
3- Lose weight. No one likes a fat girl.
Truer words have never been spoken.
1- If you want a guy to be your boyfriend, don't sleep with him for at least 2 months. (read: sleep with him = sex)
2- Be unavailable
3- Lose weight. No one likes a fat girl.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Monday, May 28, 2007
Old love
If you've ever witnessed someone having a heart flutter, it's quite possibly one of the most beautifully raw human emotions. Spring brings this kind of thing around every year. It's really odd seeing someone experience it for the first time, but it almost starts a chain reaction. Because you can relate to the person it happens to, and somehow, even if it has nothing to do with you, you want to apply it to yourself. Miraculously, I've seen love (I use that term loosely) this week.
The First Kiss
I always imagined that once you hit a certain age, everyday emotions don't apply to you anymore...like a first kiss. I was sitting on my front stoop around 10 pm and I saw a man and woman walking up to hers. They stopped, said a few words (I was too far away to hear) and then the awkward moment happened; when someone has to get the balls to go in for it. It was heart stopping. He bent down to give her a little peck, and slowly it became passionate kiss. He hesitated as he moved his arms to her sides, hers slowly moved to his. Eventually, they embraced a little bit more and he moved his hands to her face. And you could just tell that they were smitten; because there's nothing in the world like that first kiss with someone. It's so promising, and in that moment, you know something is about to happen. Anxiety dissipates and even for the shyest person, all inhibitions halt and instinct takes over. They pulled apart, looked at each other and smiled. She tore herself away from him and as she walked up her stairs, she asked him to call her later. He stayed and watched her open the first door, then the main door. She was in her building, and he just stood there catching his breath- you could see his glowtion. A second later, he turned and walked away. I couldn't see his face, but I knew that he must have had the most real smile on his face, because even I did for him. Coming from a person who doesn't necessarily believe that you only fall in love once, watching this "couple" gave me hope; that life doesn't stop when you get old. You can still get that high school adrenaline rush from a first kiss.
My realization: Maybe marriage isn't the way to go- what if you could have that first kiss feeling over and over for years to come! I don't need to get married right away. I can wait until I'm 50 something and still find "the one."
The First Kiss
I always imagined that once you hit a certain age, everyday emotions don't apply to you anymore...like a first kiss. I was sitting on my front stoop around 10 pm and I saw a man and woman walking up to hers. They stopped, said a few words (I was too far away to hear) and then the awkward moment happened; when someone has to get the balls to go in for it. It was heart stopping. He bent down to give her a little peck, and slowly it became passionate kiss. He hesitated as he moved his arms to her sides, hers slowly moved to his. Eventually, they embraced a little bit more and he moved his hands to her face. And you could just tell that they were smitten; because there's nothing in the world like that first kiss with someone. It's so promising, and in that moment, you know something is about to happen. Anxiety dissipates and even for the shyest person, all inhibitions halt and instinct takes over. They pulled apart, looked at each other and smiled. She tore herself away from him and as she walked up her stairs, she asked him to call her later. He stayed and watched her open the first door, then the main door. She was in her building, and he just stood there catching his breath- you could see his glowtion. A second later, he turned and walked away. I couldn't see his face, but I knew that he must have had the most real smile on his face, because even I did for him. Coming from a person who doesn't necessarily believe that you only fall in love once, watching this "couple" gave me hope; that life doesn't stop when you get old. You can still get that high school adrenaline rush from a first kiss.
My realization: Maybe marriage isn't the way to go- what if you could have that first kiss feeling over and over for years to come! I don't need to get married right away. I can wait until I'm 50 something and still find "the one."
Thursday, May 24, 2007
A Sex in the City moment
He flirts. You flirt back. Non-stop for 2 weeks. At what point is it acceptable to question intention? I mean at some point, you open yourself up to vulnerability. So, is it wrong to visit that "dark place" and ask if there's any sincerity in the flirting within 2 weeks of knowing someone? Or is that just weird?
Wednesday, May 23, 2007
Beaurocrazy
Lately it amazes me how my agency can be so successful yet is run so poorly. Because of bureaucracy and politics, nothing gets done correctly, and instead the mentality here breeds pussies, not leaders. People have become corporatized and monkeys to the institution. Because I'm a creative, I'm constantly questioning things and thinking about ways the system can be improved. Some call it malaise with the agency, but I consider it to be frustration over being subordinate to a failing process. Here are some of my ideas for betterment:
When a client doesn't get it:
Sit them down and explain how the web works. Give them a list of websites that have rocked and some that have failed. Have them tell you which they like, then reveal the truth about the sites they liked (how well they performed, etc.). Did the site win an award? Or was it an abomination and embarrassment to its makers? Then, explain your mission in having a successful collaborative relationship with them. Everything you do, is in their best interest. You would never create something that sucks. If they still don't get it, fire them. No amount of money is worth doing bad work.
A company website:
An agency website should reflect what that agency is about. If the site sucks, that's a pretty good indication what the workplace is like. For some reason, the Global ECD here, refuses to let us redesign the site. He insists that the his main office is handling it. Yet, it's been a year now, and the site still looks like a glutton barfed on it. I'm sick of hearing all these stories about how we're moving from a marketing agency to a creative one, and yet, our site blows chunks. Funny, the agency used be a marketing agency, yet they're still completely shit about marketing themselves as creative. Hmmm. How does that work? If you're gonna say something, do something.
Account vs. Creative:
Here's the deal. An agency would be nothing without the creative department. That being said, technically, the creatives should be treated with more respect than you would treat your client with. Because sure, the client pays you, but the client pays you to get CREATIVE work to them. So, if someone in account management tampers with creative, or compromises the creative in any way, they lack respect and should be dealth with- it should not be taken as being rude or disrespectful if a creative puts someone in their place for messing with the work.
The point of account people is to be the liason between client and creative. Now, i'm not saying that they're unnecessary, because I don't mind account people. It's when they treat creatives like idiots that I have the problem with them. It's when they feel that hearing creative feedback from the client should not involve the creative team. We don't need interpreters, we understand English. What we need is someone who is detached from the creative who can speak to the client concerns without biting their heads' off. Someone who will stand up for the creative when we're not so eloquent. Someone who will push and fight for the creative and really believe that it's the best it can be. If the client doesn't get it, it's your job to calm them down and educate them on our intentions.
The brief:
brief: noun
1. A short, succinct statement.
2. A condensation or an abstract of a larger document or series of documents.
Now, if a client gives you a brief, give it to us. We can decipher it. If the agency requires that the account person needs to do one, that's cool too. However, don't take a 1-page brief and turn it into 5 pages. Why? Because 5 pages, is not fucking brief! It's called a "brief" for a reason. If we wanted a novel, it would be called a novel. Give us a BRIEF, make it awesome, and make it inspirational. If you give us a novel, we should be able to turn it down and ask you to deliver what was asked of you. After all, that's what you do to us, right?
Titles:
They're bullshit. All we need to know is what you do (CW, AD, etc). We all do the same work, and work at the same level. The only thing we should know is who the boss is, and that person is the CD. Done.
Fired:
When people start losing respect for a CD, that person should be replaced. If this were the standard, there would always be someone in a CD position who is a role model. Plus, it gives people something to aspire to.
Staying late:
You do it if you have to. "Late" means anything after 8 pm at least. If you leave earlier than that, you are not allowed to bitch if you must stay late once in awhile. This should apply to every department- including production and illustrators. If you're a CD and your team stays late, you should too- that way, should something arise, you are there and are playing your part. This also applies to the account mgmt. team. If your team is working late, stick around for a bit- get them dinner, see if you can help. It's really not that hard.
Creative programs:
If you're in the creative department, you should have access to any computer program you need. No questions asked. If a writer wants Photoshop, there's a good reason. Who are you to question it? You have no title. Duh.
Time Sheets:
Should be abolished. It's when you quantify how much your time is worth that you're reminded how much you'd rather be doing something else. All we should know is that our time is valued and that we are indispensable.
Security doors on every floor:
Here's the thing, if you have security at the entrance of your building, why the need for security doors at every floor? I can't tell you how many times people have been trapped inside an elevator bank waiting for someone to buzz them in because they forgot their badge. Or how many times you've seen the elevator come and go, but haven't been able to make it because you have to swip your i.d. or push the button in order to open the 20 pound door. It's such a waste of time. If people did their jobs at the base of the building, we wouldn't have such a mistrust for foreign people coming onto our floors. That's all I have to say about that.
Hiring new talent:
I've recently come to admit/acknowledge that the guy they hired to be my partner SUCKS puss-filled, hairy balls. He has no talent, doesn't ask questions, and has the most annoying voice ever created. His portfolio is pathetic, and he's cocky. He was hired as a mid-level art director and to this day, I have yet to see him do something I couldn't do in under an hour if only I were given photoshop. It's one thing to interview someone based on their book, but how do you interview someone about their concepting skills? Oooh. Ooh. Me! I know the answer! Ya don't. You either know how to concept, or you don't. You can't learn in under a year, or in a crash session. If you can't concept, you deserve to get fired. If you repeatedly go to client meetings with the wrong information, you should get fired. If your partner first does her job, then does yours, you deserve to get fired. We may not be the best agency, but we can afford to be picky in terms of who we hire. All I know is that if people don't like working together, fix it. Move them around- make their working environment fun and awesome. Don't make people work together when one is clearly better than the other. Cuz that's just cruel...
Reviews for a promotion/raise:
People should get promoted and/or a raise based on their work. Who gives a shit if people like you or not? Advertising isn't about making friends- it's about the art of manipulation. If you can create something cool and convince the client that people will buy it, you've done your job. The place I'm at now puts your career in other people's hands. You can request that certain people be asked to give you feedback, but your manager can totally fuck you and ask whomever they want- regardless of your list. So what the fuck is the point of even making a list?!? There isn't' one. The process is archaic and makes you feel like you constantly need to kiss people's asses in the hopes of becoming prom queen. Here's the deal. You should get promoted based on the amount of work you put in, the quality of the work you create and the perseverance to do better than the guy next to you. End of story.
**Ultimately, if you don't like the way something's being done, do it better. Offer ways to improve it. If it doesn't take, get the hell out. Life's too short to deal with other people's b.s. We all have our own.
Tuesday, May 22, 2007
Downtown Xing Starbucks P3WNs me
I had a client meeting today in Connecticut. Needed to meet my ACD and marketing girl at 7:45 am. So, I selfishly went to a Starbucks on the way. Duh, of course I didn't go to the one closer to work. I walked into this one, and it was empty- like a ghost town. Is the whole world of Boston asleep at 7 am? Not only did I walk right in and order, but they got my order right in under a minute! However, they didn't remember to give me my reduced fat blueberry cake, which did in fact annoy me. Here's why...had they given it to me in an orderly fashion when I paid, I would have made my train, and had more time to chill outside in the beautiful sunlight before getting into a car for 4 brutal hours. So now, I gotta give it up for my Starbucks peeps in Downtown Crossing. Cuz while I may hate on them from time to time, they're on the pastry shit like a married man on a single girl; in, out and smilin' all the way to work.
Monday, May 21, 2007
Starfucks
I go to the same Starbucks every morning. And I order the same thing everyday: Grande sugar-free vanilla nonfat extra-hot latte. Without fail, something wack always happens there.
Here are the people who make my Starbucks stories possible:
The manager-
Nice guy, super tall. He remembers my name.
The tall girl-
She greets me by name every morning with a real smile. She knows when I'm late for work and when I'm on time. She usually makes the drinks but on occasion does the register.
The dumb girl-
She takes the drink orders. Never remembers my name or my order.
The coffee guy-
He makes the coffee. Sometimes does the register.
So, here are some scenarios that happen on a regular basis:
5/1/07
The coffee guy NEVER acknowledges my name. He just reads the cup with the order on it when he pust it up on the station top. He never just says, "Leah, here you go!" However, one day, he manned the register. And after I ordered, he looks at me and says "Has anyone ever told you that you're beautiful?" No, buddy, but thanks. Next time, why don't you make me feel like a person instead of just yelling "grande sugar-free vanilla nonfat extrahot latte." Say my name- it might help me believe you.
5/4/07
Today, this woman before me goes to order and dumb girl who never
remembers my shit says to her:
"Don't worry______. You're taken care of."
And I looked at her in disbelief- with the manager (who happens to remember my name AND my order) behind her. And I said, "how come I'm never taken care of? I'm in here everyday!" and she goes, "hi!- what can I get you? Oh wait, a grande latte, right?" and I looked at her like she was fucking bonkers, took a deep breath and said " no. I'd like a grande sugar-free vanilla, nonfat, extra-hot latte please" and she goes, "wait, I think I remember your name. Leah, right?" and I was like, "yes. Thank you." I looked back at her manager with a "I can't believe this bitch" face and he
was laughing his ass off already. Rightfully so.
5/10/07
After the "beautiful" instance, coffee guy has started making my coffee and bringing it to the register while I pay (only if it's super busy). He doesn't make me walk over to the station. Sometimes he says I'm beautiful under his breath. Sometimes he says "here Leah." Wonder how he decides.
5/20/07
Today coffee guy asked if I was at the mall yesterday. I said yes. How did he know I was there? I didn't know what to say, so I told him that he should have come over and said "hi." As if he and I are friends or something. I think coffee guy might be stalking me.
5/29/07
Full moons do crazy things to me. My mood gets all sorts of altered and I feel out of sorts every time. However, today, there was a new development in my Starbucks saga that I can only attribute to the moon. I walked in there this morning, looked at tall girl and said that I'd like a grande coffee (lately, I've been switching between hot coffee and cold iced tea). And she instantly, for the first time EVER remembered my order! AND, she spelled my name right! Granted, she forgot the extra-hot part, but that's ok, cuz it was hot outside anyway. All in all, even though my day was entirely fucked up, at least I was able to count on Starbucks...
Friday, May 18, 2007
Ethereal
THE LOVE COOK
Let me cook you some dinner.
Sit down and take off your shoes
and socks and in fact the rest
of your clothes, have a daiquiri,
turn on some music and dance
around the house, inside and out,
it's night and the neighbors
are sleeping, those dolts and
the stars are shining bright,
and I've got the burners lit
for you, you hungry thing.
--Ron Padgett
Let me cook you some dinner.
Sit down and take off your shoes
and socks and in fact the rest
of your clothes, have a daiquiri,
turn on some music and dance
around the house, inside and out,
it's night and the neighbors
are sleeping, those dolts and
the stars are shining bright,
and I've got the burners lit
for you, you hungry thing.
--Ron Padgett
Wednesday, May 16, 2007
Question
Is it better to have loved and cheated? Or to have never gotten married, waited until you found the one and lived happily ever after?
Better yet.
Is it cheating if the other person never finds out?
Better yet.
Is it cheating if the other person never finds out?
Tuesday, May 15, 2007
And so he cheats...
THE UNSAID
One night they both needed different things
of a similar kind; she, solace; he, to be consoled.
So after a wine-deepened dinner
when they arrived at their house separately
in the same car, each already had been failing
the other with what seemed
an unbearable delay of what felt due.
What solace meant to her was feeling understood
so well you'd give it to her before she asked.
To him, consolation was a network
of agreements: say what you will
as long as you acknowledge what I mean.
In the bedroom they undressed and dressed
and got into bed. The silence was what fills
a tunnel after a locomotive passes through.
Days later the one most needy finally spoke.
"What's on TV tonight?" he said this time,
and she answered, and they were okay again.
Each, forever, would remember the failure
to give solace, the failure to be consoled.
And many, many future nights
would find them turning to their respective sides
of the bed, terribly awake and twisting up
the covers, or, just as likely, moving closer
and sleeping forgetfully the night long.
--Stephen Dunn
One night they both needed different things
of a similar kind; she, solace; he, to be consoled.
So after a wine-deepened dinner
when they arrived at their house separately
in the same car, each already had been failing
the other with what seemed
an unbearable delay of what felt due.
What solace meant to her was feeling understood
so well you'd give it to her before she asked.
To him, consolation was a network
of agreements: say what you will
as long as you acknowledge what I mean.
In the bedroom they undressed and dressed
and got into bed. The silence was what fills
a tunnel after a locomotive passes through.
Days later the one most needy finally spoke.
"What's on TV tonight?" he said this time,
and she answered, and they were okay again.
Each, forever, would remember the failure
to give solace, the failure to be consoled.
And many, many future nights
would find them turning to their respective sides
of the bed, terribly awake and twisting up
the covers, or, just as likely, moving closer
and sleeping forgetfully the night long.
--Stephen Dunn
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