Soft Pussy

They call him soft pussy. I've always known that he sucked, but surprisingly, I never gave him a nickname. Ever since I joined his team, I noticed that he was a pussy. He can't come up with big ideas, he doesn't motivate his team to do better work, and all he ever does is doubt everything. Either he hates an idea, or he's not sure about it. Up until the minute a site goes live, he'll insist that he's still not sure it's gonna work out. He looks up to the giants like everyone else does, but he doesn't do anything to match the genius other agencies have. Upper management refers to him as "soft pussy" and now I know why.

I haven't had a rant like this in a long time. Maybe that's because he's never pissed me off like he did today. Mr. Soft Pussy likes to employ soft peons on his team, save for me, the black sheep. He likes having passive people under him because that makes his job easier. He'll show us work other people have done and talk about how great the stuff is, telling us (not inspiring us) to do work like it. He'll present websites he just found that we've been circulating for weeks. He'll talk about how the reason we're not winning awards is because our ideas are too small- he's approved all of them. Well guess what Mr. Soft Pussy, if the ideas are too small, DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT. Inspire us. Take us on excursions. Motivate us to do better. Sit in on brainstorms. Offer us guidance on how to think bigger. Don't just tell us that our ideas are too fucking small! Our ideas are too small because you've widdled them down 'til an idiot sleeping on the goddamned subway would be able to check it out. And guess what else Mr. Soft Pussy, you fucking approved all of these ideas. So, if you're telling us that everything sucks, why don't you step back and take a look at what you're doing wrong too!!

Here's the problem. Coming out of a creative ad school puts you a step above people in the corporate world. These dudes have been working at the same agency for years, still stuck on a PC, and have no idea what the newest trend is. They don't know how to concept for a medium they weren't trained for in undergrad. Mr. Soft Pussy can't even view half of our sites because he doesn't know how to use his computer! And then, Mr. SP has the nerve to tell me that he doesn't think our ideas are big enough. Maybe that's because he wouldn't know if a good idea hit him in the face! Or maybe it's because he's got me working under world's most passive ACD aka Ms. Jr. SP. She's stoic about everything! If a big idea she didn't come up with is presented, she either doesn't acknowledge it or she shoots it down. The 2 of them have me working with this new AD- and by new, I mean, he's never worked in a creative department, he's never worked with a writer, and he sure as hell does not know how to concept or design- he basically lied on his resume. Six goddamned months I've been in hell, and SP has the nerve to tell me that I should be carrying douchekid art director if he sucks that much. He doesn't offer a partner switch, he doesn't offer to make things better. Rather, for the last 6 months, he's told me that they're doing "something" about it. Today, he revealed that he's been lying. He hasn't done shit. What does that tell me about how he values me as a team member? He tells me that the work this morning was terrible and that it impacts poorly on him. About fucking time he's realized that this isn't working!!

Look, I'll own up to ditching a few concepting sessions here and there because I can't bare the thought of working with douchekid. But shit, if I wanted to work alone, I'd open up my own shop. Nah, fuck that- you can't work alone in advertising! Just give me a goddamned talented team and I'll show you what good work is, Soft Pussy!!!

Honestly though, what does it say about senior management's skills if they refer to one of their worker bees as "Soft Pussy" but don't have the nerve to do anything about it?? All I know is that I would rather work for a Hard Cock of a Creative Director anyday, then work for with douchekid, Ms. Jr. SP, and this pathetic hack.