9/11

It's strange how when disaster strikes you remember only pertinent little things about that day and forever more. I remember getting a call from my dad asking why I was still in bed that morning. He asked if I had any idea what was going on. I didn't. I was still in bed. I ran to the tv and watched in horror as the second plane hit the tower. I remember driving around that day in a daze; not wanting to talk to anyone, or smile at anything. I made the calls to my friends in NY and made sure they were all safe. Then, at around 8 pm, I got a call from Keren. She told me that Lisa was on the second flight. I didn't know what to do. I just sat in disbelief. I called my best friend and had a good cry about it. September 11th became a whole lot more personal after that phone call. Every year, I try to think about Lisa and the friendship I had with her. I went to Ground Zero Dec. 2001 and there were little girls giving out hot chocolate. I couldn't stand being there longer than 20 minutes. I hopped in cab and got the earliest flight back to Boston.
It's crazy how every year until this one, this date has been easier to deal with. This year was different though. This year, Keren was killed. September 11th now has a whole new feeling for me. My one connection to Lisa has passed away. The one person I knew I could share my grief with today is gone as well. Tried to stay home and keep busy so I wouldn't be as upset about it.
How does a day of solemnity turn into a day of double-duty mourning?

Drunk haters suck

I noticed that when I'm stoned I tend to say a lot of stupid things. However, anyone who can bring up Nancy Kerrigan during a party, always halts conversations. No idea how I even remember her, but it came up during our kung fu fighting discussion. I mentioned the throat punch (always wins points) and for some reason was reminded of the Kerrigan/ Harding incident. How stupid could Tanya have been? I bet she was high when she schemed. Sounds like good revenge when fucked up, but when done outloud- a complete and utter disaster.
In my mind, she thought something like this...
How can I fuck that bitch up and take first place?
Oh wait, I know.
I'm gonna hire someone to go out in the middle of her routine with an ax. Ya, an ax.
And I'm gonna make him hit that bitch in the knees in front of everyone.
She'll look so stupid.
Hehehehehhe.

What a dumb ass this Tanya Harding was. I mean, I come up with loads of stupid ideas. But to attempt a knock off in front of so many people gives us haters such a bad name. Bad Tanya. Bad, bad Tanya.

My favorite drink? Hater-ade.

People always bitch about how "hate" is such a strong word. Well, hello! Duh, of course, it's a strong word. That's why it's one of my favorites. I think it's reallly important to have opinions and to feel strongly about something. Hence my constant usage of the word. I love to hate. I think it's so much fun to feel that strongly about someone or something. For example, I absolutely hate this one girl I went to school with. From the day I met her, to today, I absolutely loathe her. I can't stand how much makeup she wears, I hate how she never wears shirts that fit her, I hate that she's always about no, never about yes. The thing that gets me the most about her, is that my hate is justified. She's one of those people who smiles so rarely, that when she does, it makes you uncomfortable; like you don't know if it's sincere, or not. She's a bitch to everyone, and her first impression is the same as her last impression...complete and utter cunt. So yes, I hate her. And if you were to ask me how I feel about her tomorrow, even after she's bought me a shot of tequila to reconcile, I'd still hate her. Why? Because I hate tequila and I hate her.
Now, with that being said, I was thinking of making a never-ending list of things I hate. This way, my becoming a superior hater will be complete.
I hate:
-getting out of bed when it's cold outside
-liver
-having a hangnail with no nail file in sight
-velvet
-liars
-hangovers
-people who fish for compliments
-when people call and don't leave messages - they just want you to know that they called. So lame.
-being broke
-fans that emit hot air
-fake boobs
-wearing underwear
-boys who think they can dance
-guys who think the trigger finger actually works
-THAT guy
-people who assume that everyone from The Valley speak like they do in the movies
-fakeness
-people who are afraid of confrontation- a note about this: if you have a problem with someone, don't be a pussy and email or text them your problem- say it to their face.
-that my cell phone NEVER works like it's supposed to
-people who have lived in the US for 5+ years and still can't speak english
-that smoking gives you cancer
-cancer
-being so much taller than all my girlfriends
-crying for sadness
-people who are too lazy to put the toilet paper on the roll, but rather sit it atop it.
-bug bites
-people who are stuck in their high school days
-bad spellers
-people who contradict themselves
-people who can't admit they're ever wrong
-paper cuts
-stepping in gum
-tissues that fall apart when you blow into them
-paper towels that don't absorb anything when their ads promise they do
-when food gets stuck in my teeth
-the way ravers dress- scratch that. just ravers in general.
-when DVDs are scratched
-the sound a cd makes when it skips
-bug chasers
-people who substitute powerbars and protein drinks for food
-cats and pigeons
-when boys don't know how to say goodbye and the end of a date
-people who don't return phone calls within the week
-being late, or anyone else being late
-having to stop drinking on account of being too drunk
-people who snore
-puking in public places
-that good weed shows in your eyes
-hair
-when people hide their emotions or put down other people's emotions
-the word "interesting"
-that people need possession of things
-morning breath
-that cat sound people make when someone's being a bitch
-immaturity
-that I can't sync my phone to my computer
-money
-dry skin
-being pale
-bloodshot eyes
-that I have curly hair
-that people think familial love is unconditional and not earned
-competition
-dust
-when i try to clear a puddle and don't
-that the salt they use to make the snow dry, stains clothes
-zits
-body odor
- Hidden pride. Yes, I hate hidden pride. If you're proud, show it. There's nothing worse than someone who you know is proud, but won't admit it.
-corporatized people who are afraid to be real just in case HR is called
-when guys in their late 20's still don't know how to act/or do anything productive in bed
-all shows based on the police
-when people confuse ignorance with being mean
-cock blockers- both girls and guys who kill your game
-cellulite
-when people don't move out of the way when you need to get off the train
-white people who think they're black
-people who are cheap
-people who have money, complain about being broke, and then go on shopping sprees
-people who have issues but refuse to go to therapy
-people who think therapy is only for messed up people
-forced diversity
-people who don't own up when they've made a mistake. there would never be a need for blame if people were just honest.
-being forced to work with people who have no talent but are able to keep their jobs because we can't find anyone better.
-being invited to something, then getting ignored by the person who invited you.
-people who don't tell the whole truth (similar to liars, whom I hate, but a little bit different)
-guys in their 30's who STILL don't know what they're doing in bed
- people who can't handle their shit when wasted
-feeling embarrassed
-being intentionally embarrassed by someone else
-false hope
when I can't find my song on iTunes

re-inventing couchtime

It's been brought to my attention that I haven't discussed how true a good couch can be. Think back to all the great memories you've had on a couch. Drinking, talking, watching. All good, no, great things happen on a couch. I can actualy pinpoint a plethora of good things that have happened to me on one. However, none can even amount to the great things I anticipate will happen on my new and very own couch (once I find it). I imagine that all of wildest fantasies can happen with it. That I can share it with my best friends, my boyfriends, my favorite tv shows, my favorite commercials. Couchtime should be reinvented. It should be all about wanting to take someone back to your place, sharing a good bottle of wine, good conversations and incredible makeout time. To share your innermost self with it. I hope that mine would talk about the incredible people I've met; the love I've found on it, the memories I've made while sitting on it, laying on it, consumating a relationship on it. And no, not in a gross way. In a beautiful way.
When I find it, I hope I'll know. Maybe it will be like love at first sight. Maybe it will be more like not wanting to share it with anyone else. Like a wonderful relationship is about to start. Like you would have to be a really fucking special person to even sit on this couch...
Sigh.
One day, this couch will be mine. Oh yes, mine. All mine.

Couchtime!

how wrong is it?

It seems as if I have this compulsion to move every couple of months since 2001. I don't know what it is about staying stationary or what scares me so much about it, but it's about to happen again. I've been back in Miami for a total of 8 months. I was itching to get outta here in February. London is my calling, but then again, I thought the same thing about Australia, Turks and Caicos, Italy, Spain and everywhere else. Until I'm there longer than 3 months...and then I up and leave. Granted, I've had to move for schooling purposes, but I'm borderlining on being somewhere almost a year and I'm worried.

Truth be told, I'm dying to buy a couch. I've never had my own and in my mind, it's a sign of stability; that I'm not going anywhere for a long time. I don't have any physical attachment to anything right now other than my journal. Yes, I think a couch would be a good acquisition. I try and convince my friends to go hunting for one with me...no, not on the streets of Miami Beach, but at actual stores. We never get further than Pottery Barn. The other day Catja and I parked ourselves on a $2,700 one, and didn't move for over an hour. We joked that it was ours and gave the employees dirty looks when they walked past our living room uninvited. Makes me laugh to think that a couch could possibly ground me.

I don't even know the first thing about making a big purchase like that. I have no idea what color I would want, or where on earth I would put it. I don't have a permanent apt. to park it, and I don't even know where I'm going to be living next month. All that matters to me lately is the purchase of this anomalous couch though. Can't stop thinking about how much I want one. I walk by couch window displays dreaming that they're mine, scheming of a way to break in, take the couch, and get out without anyone knowing. Ha.

Anyway, I guess the main purpose of a blog is to rant about random shit only useful to me. So, if you happen to read this, and know where I can buy a good nice couch, please let me know. Thanks. Happy sitting.