True.

You must check this out The 8 Phases of Dating (<- click on this link)

Who just got his highest score on BAGS??

This guy.

For my favorite Swede

In honor of The Dude and the possibility of you moving to Boston...at least for a couple of months! Crossing my fingers!!**

**Photos courtesy of The Daily Puppy (<-- click on this link)

I'm so not Gozer.

Gimme a different nickname, DJ. I'm not fucking around.

So sad

Just when I thought my day couldn't get any worse, I find out that Zima is being discontinued. Long sigh.

In honor of the last official day for 2008 voter registration. Enjoy.

See more Hayden Panettiere videos at Funny or Die

The Bum Savant

Introducing...The Bum Savant. This guy sits in the Commons and yells out predictions he's got for the year. In the middle of a week that was plagued with rain and 50 degree weather, this guy screams that the next day will be 70 degrees. Doncha know, he was right. I hereby love The Bum Savant. Up next, lottery numbers to watch out for.

BAGS

We just discovered there's a BAGS locally. T-R-O-U-B-L-E.

Like little boys

The reactions from the guys make this hilarious. Sort of.

Todd on a Taun Taun

This is what you do at 5:12 am while you're waiting to encode, render, make the donuts, and ensure it's all HD compatible...

Pitching is the bestest

Just thought I would immortalize some classic lines from tonite's all-niter. Much thanks to DCT. "You make me happy just being around you."

"These kids don't wanna do anything. They're too busy chillin' on their couches bongin' out." - Scott

"I will gut you like a Taun Taun, climb inside and take a nap."
- Todd

"Hey Leah, are you a bottom girl?" - David

"My cat's sphincter will kick your pussy dog's ass." - Elliott

"What? I could have called it a leathery O ring." -Elliott

"I have no problem sending Leah to NY." - David

"This work makes me want to poop." -Scott

"Leah, you better shut up or I'll step on you like a cockroach. Oh wait, you're much taller than me. Nevermind." - Cruz

"Shut your mouth." - Todd

"I think you've got some gookie in yo eyyyyyyyeeeee!" - Elliott

"Dude, I can't wait to go up to my desk and geek out with Keynote." - Scott

"The law of the sea says what happens on the sea, stays on the sea." - Todd

"Hey Ray Ray!" - Elliott

"So like, back like 5 meetings ago they said not to do it, but to do it like this, so I wanna do it like this...wait, here lemme draw it. Ok ok ok, wait, go back. Ok, so there's this button and it goes here and then here, but then they wanted it here, so now it's gray." -Scott

"You've got positive negativity." - David/Elliott

"Do they taste like danger?" - Todd

Please save her

Poor Amy. Someone just needs to throw her a fuckin bone...

H-O-T

Sean Connery is the newest face for Louis Vuitton. About fucking time. Two of my favorite things in one ad...heaven.

Pret a Porter water

Jean Paul Gaultier and Evian collaborate. Seriously? Yes. Seriously.

Just in time for Fall.

Much thanks to R-squared for my new dunks...

MAIL GOGGLES

Most important invention of all time. Today, Google launched a new Labs feature Mail Goggles. This app. makes you do math problems before you send an email to verify your sobriety. By default, mail Goggles is only active late at nite on weekends.

Thank you Google for preventing me from drunk emailing. Just another reason I love you.

It's official.

Final decision on the dress frontier. When in doubt, go Betsey.

The Thumper

I have a new neighbor upstairs and already I hate her. In the past 2.5 years that I've lived here, I've never in my life heard the kind of thumping this bitch makes when she walks around the apt. She wakes me up at all hours of the night with her heavy walking and I swear to god, I'ma kill her if she doesn't fuckin lose some weight or something. Other than buying this slut a rug, what else can I do to get her to chill on the heavy walking?

Because it's Friday and I love Fridays.

Gotta love how these girls are such hookers. Except for the she-man in the first one. She may just be a tranny.

I need one

I need to find a cool broach like this one. But not this one. Any suggestions?

Gettin' over it.

They say that the time it takes to get over someone is half the time you were with him/her. But how long does it really take if were in love? And what if you still talk to him/her? How long before it gets better?

Damn, I'm such a chick.

My kinda spot

Diesel SFW XXX - Watch more free videos

Now how come when I present ideas like this, they get killed?

Wet

What do you do when it's raining and you lose your umbrella? Are you supposed to wait til it's clear and go buy another one? Or do you rough it, get wet, only to get dry again? Such are the dilemmas in my life...

Buff Monster x Fully Visual

Check out the hottest figure from Buff. And guess what- it's all mine!!

OMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMG!!

I NEED THIS!

Exclusive:--
M ICON - 12" Michael Jackson collectible figure (Billie Jean / History Tour version)

This collectible stands approximately 30 cm tall, features the authentic likeness of Michael Jackson - the legendary musician and Hollywood pop star in the 80's.

Michael Jackson collectible figure features:
- Hot Toys' newly developed TrueType- "Slim version" body with over 38 points of articulation.
- Trademarked single sequined white glove
- Sequined black coat
- White socks with black shoes
- Black hat
- Microphone
- Microphone stand
- Three sets of interchangeable hands
- 12 inches figure stand with Michael Jackson nameplate

{Release date: DEC 2008}

Artists:
- Head Sculpt by Kang In Ae
- Head Art Directed by Yulli
- Paint by JC.Hong

Mini Shorts Debut.

Yes, they are that bright.

Word.

I had a good week

AZNTV was my saving grace this past winter because I discovered the Silly Fools. This song is sure to make anyone happy. When I hear it, it makes me want to jump around in pure glee. Hope it does the same for you. Happy Friday!!

My neon summer

Been pretty daring this summer. And I'm about to take another bold step. I started out with Bermuda Shorts (LOVED IT so much that I bought it), then went to Short Shorts and I think today is the day I move to Mini Shorts. Ef the yellow one- that one's called Shorty Pants. And let's face it, it should really be called Ugly Pants. Besides, I like synchronization. What genie decided to fuck with the line and not have it end in "Shorts?" Cuz that person should be fired.

Dress shopping sucks

I've been dress shopping for my mom's wedding and this is the most hideous one I've come across to date. How come when you need something, you can't find it, but when you're not looking, it falls in your lap?

One tear.

A wonderful burgeoning artist has passed away. RIP Nagi Noda. I hope you find more beauty than you've ever known possible, wherever you are...

Ex Sex.

Good or bad idea? Discuss.

Anyone have this guy's number? I wanna throw a party.

"Let's just be friends"

Ever heard that? The ultimate response:

Sure, no problem! (<-- click on this link)

Perfect flowers to waste time on.

He loves me. He loves me not. He loves me. He loves me not. And so the drama continues...

Could be awesome

Please let there be a Ralph Wiggum figure. Please let there be a Ralph Wiggum figure. Please let there be a Ralph Wiggum figure. It'd be awesome if he's got at least one finger up his nose, but I'd settle for a crayon in the mouth. If he's not included in the series, I'm writin' a letter and boycotting Kidrobot..for at least a month. There, I said it.

'80s flashback

Hot Toddy, you're my hero for finding these:

Lost chances

For some reason, I've been seeing lots of war movies lately. A part of me always wished I could join the service, but I've got a busted knee and would never make it. Still though, there's somethin' that draws me towards the military. Maybe someday I'll be able to work with them and/or for them...


My Rifle: The Creed of a US Marine
by Major General William H. Rupertus (USMC, Ret.)

This is my rifle. There are many like it, but this one is mine.

My rifle is my best friend. It is my life. I must master it as I must master my life.

My rifle, without me, is useless. Without my rifle, I am useless. I must fire my rifle true. I must shoot straighter than my enemy who is trying to kill me. I must shoot him before he shoots me. I will...

My rifle and myself know that what counts in this war is not the rounds we fire, the noise of our burst, nor the smoke we make. We know that it is the hits that count. We will hit...

My rifle is human, even as I, because it is my life. Thus, I will learn it as a brother. I will learn its weaknesses, its strength, its parts, its accessories, its sights and its barrel. I will ever guard it against the ravages of weather and damage as I will ever guard my legs, my arms, my eyes and my heart against damage. I will keep my rifle clean and ready. We will become part of each other. We will...

Before God, I swear this creed. My rifle and myself are the defenders of my country. We are the masters of our enemy. We
are the saviors of my life.

So be it, until victory is America's and there is no enemy, but peace!

Why can't I do this kinda shit?

I'll proudly admit that I love Perez Hilton. Here's on of the reasons why. The hilarious-ity doesn't happen til about 1:45.

Click on this link:
Perez Meets Miley Cyrus

What's wrong with this cover?

A coffee breakthrough!

This is for my cousins...

I believe I've had a Starbucks breakthrough. Well, not really, but I did something I've meaning to do for awhile. The other day, the nice girl at Starbucks admitted to forgetting my name. And for the first time after I gave her my name, I asked hers. HER NAME IS JANE!!! Finally, a name to the face. Should you get a chance to ever go the Starbucks on Summer St. in Downtown Crossing, Boston, make sure you ask for Jane. I'm sure you'll think she's a doll as well!

Oh ya, by the way, I've almost quit drinking coffee. I'm limiting myself to one coffee a week- i.e. Monday - when I truly need it. Bummer, I know, but it had to happen. Got tired from not sleeping. Ha!

Song lyrics will always be the new black

Lately I've been drawn to song lyrics for some reason. All these random songs I'm being reminded of make me wish I could write music. To me it's like mastering the novel. Copywriting is petty cash compared to writing an award-winning song. Sure, if you can connect with a quarter of the population you'll get an advertising award. But to get someone to relate to a song is by far the best vindication. How many times have you listened to a song and thought that it perfectly described whatever scenario you're going through? That's the power of the musical lyric; it makes you relate to it through emotion. Maybe one ad a decade can do the same. And even then, it's quickly forgotten. But a song...a song lasts forever and you're constantly reminded of it when that life experience repeats itself.

Here're the lyrics to one of my favorite love songs.
Warning: Don't read these if you're going through a break-up. They'll make you cry oceans and plunge daggers through your heart!

"I Can't Make You Love Me"
by Bonnie Raitt

Turn down the lights, turn down the bed
Turn down these voices inside my head
Lay down with me, tell me no lies
Just hold me close, don't patronize - don't patronize me

CHORUS:
Cause I can't make you love me if you don't
You can't make your heart feel something it won't
Here in the dark, in these final hours
I will lay down my heart and I'll feel the power
But you won't, no you won't
'Cause I can't make you love me, if you don't

I'll close my eyes, then I won't see
The love you don't feel when you're holding me
Morning will come and I'll do what's right
Just give me till then to give up this fight
And I will give up this fight

CHORUS:
Cause I can't make you love me if you don't
You can't make your heart feel something it won't
Here in the dark, in these final hours
I will lay down my heart and I'll feel the power
But you won't, no you won't
'Cause I can't make you love me, if you don't

Don't try this at home.

Sometimes I'm funny.
Sometimes at I pull out some crazy shit at work, that people like to remember. Lately, my partners have been quoting back some memorable lines of mine. Here are just a few:

With regards to a certain CD who went from an interaction design to Creative Director overnite:
"She wouldn't know good creative if a donkey kicked her in the face."

When presenting some creative work to a VP marketing guy:
"We were thinking that for this scene we'd have some bitches in a hot tub."

When one of our flash designers found out who his writing partner was:
"Oooh. You're working with that guy? Get ready for a whole lot of suck."

Walked into a meeting with about 8 people and said:
"What's up bitches!!!"

Only in advertising would I not get fired for this stuff. Only in advertising would people think this was funny. Sigh. Only in advertising...the story of my life.

Best invention EVER!

Why didn't I think of this??

For everyone who loves bacon, supposedly, this stuff is the shit.

Happy Monday, squirrels!

As I was walking through the Commons this morning, I saw a group of people staring a tree. But upon further nosiness, I saw that they were all looking at 2 squirrels who appeared to fighting. I have a feeling though, that they were fighting to have sex...and they had an audience. Gotta love Americans for staring at the fornicating wild kingdom.

Freakin' brilliant

Holy shit. Finally, a company has learned to give a consumer a sensory experience in none other than a movie theater! Check out the company Cinescent. They create scents that emanate through a theater while a commercial is playing. So you smell what you see. Damn me for not thinking of this first!

This is why advertising is so great.

14 months in the making, 42 countries, and a cast of thousands. Stride gum found this guy and offered to pay for his travels if he made a video of himself dancing in every country he visited. Their mantra is that the flavor lasts ridculously long. This video is a great piece of creativity that connects the notion of longevity to a human emotion; happiness.



Check out these links:
Where the Hell is Matt?
Stride Gum

Bottoms up!

My July 4th contribution to the USA:

LBZ White Sangria

1 bottle Chardonnay (I used Bogle)
1 nectarine, roughly chopped
1 orange, halved, with rind kept on
1 pear, roughly chopped
approx. 20 grapes, halved
2 splashes Grenadine
couple bites of cantaloupe (optional)

Mash in everything, but keep the fruit in tact. Let the mixture soak overnite. The next day, add:

1 bottle Charonnay (yes, another bottle)
1 2-liter bottle of Sprite Zero (can use regular Sprite, but not sure about the sweetness factor)
1 bottle Magners Cider

Was so delicious you have no idea. I know that typically Sangria calls for a sweeter wine, but I think a nice dry white worked really well. The longer you keep the mix in the fridge, the sweeter it gets. Just remember, the fizzy parts go flat, so hold off on adding the Sprite and cider if you'd like the wine and fruit to soak longer.

Pairs extremely well with chips and salsa/guacamole.

Silly boys

Note to all guys out there:
If you meet a girl, exchange numbers and hang out with her, here's a word of advice: It's easier to just say you're not interested, than to make up a lie about how you're in a serious relationship but strayed. You "admitting" that you have a "girlfriend" portrays an even weaker character- you may mean this: "hey, I'm an asshole for almost cheating on my girlfriend, my bad," but we take it as this: "damn, I wish I knew who his girlfriend is, cuz she should know that her man is cheating on her." Guys, just take note, I'm tryin' to help you out. Keep the little integrity you have and be honest!

Joydrop

There's an amazing band that I've loved for years named Joydrop. Their songs are still unavailable on iTunes but that don't make them any less awesome. Just means they're not played out yet. Here are the lyrics to one of my favorite songs.



Beautiful

If I was beautiful like you
Oh the things I would do
Those not so blessed would be crying out murder
And I'd just laugh and get away with it too
Like you do

If I was beautiful like you
I would never be at fault
I'd walk in the rain between the rain drops
Bringing traffic to a halt

But that would never be
Never, never be
Cause I'm not beautiful like you
I'm beautiful like me, I'm beautiful like me

If I was beautiful like you
I'd be quick to assume
They'd do anything to please me, why not
I see their reaction when you walk into the room

But that would never be
Never, never, never be
Cause I'm not beautiful like you
I'm beautiful like me, beautiful like me
Beautiful, beautiful like me
Like me, Like me...

If I was beautiful like you
I'd have so many friends
All fighting for my time to be next in line
So if I hurt one, I wouldn't have to make amends

But that would never be
Never, never, never be
Cause I'm not beautful like you
I'm not beautiful like you
I'm not beautiful like you
I'm beautiful like me
I'm Beautiful like me, beautiful like me
I'm beautiful like me, I'm beautiful like me!

My Space

There are some people who edit their profiles on myspace and/or facebook everyday. But the one time a month I log into myspace, I'm reminded that a good piece of writing, is still a good piece of writing and doesn't need to be rewritten if it still works. In that vain, here's my myspace "about me" profile that sums it all up:

i used to think i was obsessive compulsive. now i realize it was love that made me do it. stupid love.__i think everything happens for a reason but can't rationalize for the life of me why 2 of my closest college girlfriends are already in heaven.__i talk to at least one of my parents almost every day. i think it's healthy.__i am eternally on a diet. i'm convinced the only way to get the perfect body is to be stranded on a desert island.__i think combo eating is the wave of the future. Salt with sweet...sheer genius.__i have a favorite restaurant on almost every continent. __most of my friends are men. but the female friends i do have, are the best i could ever have.__i sleep in a tank top and underwear no matter what the weather is.__i bite my nails, not out of habit, but because i like the way it shapes them.__i think scars are beautiful.__i agree that therapy is more therapeutic than destructive.__i say things i believe to be true, and unless someone corrects me, i go with it.__palm readers scare me, because i believe in destiny and fate.__i think the best days are those that start with drinking at around noon. i respect people who don't drink, but will forever try my hardest to convert them.__i love babies and puppies and would not be able to choose between the two if you offered me one for the day.__i love red and blue, but am not the biggest fan of purple.__i love to cry but don't do it nearly enough.__i get the itch to move after staying in one place longer than a year.__i could never be with someone who doesn't say "bless you" after i sneeze, no matter what their religious denomination is.__i respect more than i admire, i am envious more than i am jealous, but i love and hate about the same.

Monday morning meetings at 9/9:30 when there aren't even clients involved.

Suck.

What good is a cigarette if you don't have a light?

I was walking to work this morning in complete humidity and utter shitty weather and all I wanted was to have a cigarette. I quit smoking a couple months ago, but always have that one loner smoke in my bag for mornings like this. Figures that the one time I wanna inhale, I can't find fire for the life of me. It being Monday of course, I had a disappointing epiphany...what good is having something you want if you can't fully take advantage of it?


I work in advertising because it's my passion; my obsession; my life. But what's the point of being in this industry if I can't be the best I can at it? I don't suck, I'm actually pretty good. But if for some bullshit reason, I can't get a job at a hot shop, what's the point? It used to be so rewarding to wake up and do what I love, but I'm past that point now...at a dead-end job, where my battles aren't coming up with a great headline, it's dealing with other people's issues- and I'm not even a CD! It's not rewarding just to do the job. It's rewarding when you do something that makes a difference, or at least makes people look at it and laugh...or cry. But I can't even do that right now.

Why are the forces making it so hard to kick ass at what I do?

Great quotes

"I can resist anything except temptation" - Oscar Wilde

"We all die. The goal is not to live forever. The goal is to create something that will." - PostSecret

Truth is, everybody is going to hurt you; you just gotta find the ones worth suffering for." - Bob Marley

Stellar mottos

I'm all about good catch phrases, so this is my contribution for today:

- "Happy wife, happy life" - The Heartbreak Kid
So true. Make your wife happy, you'll be happy.

- "Think long, think wrong." - This chick's Kristina's dad.
When shopping, if you are hesitant about making the purchase, BUY IT. Think about it too long, walk away from it, and you'll not only think about it nonstop, but you'll regret not gettin' it. Hence, think long, think wrong. I try to incorporate this line into as many ads as possible. A client has yet to buy it. Big mistake. Huge, actually. It's gonna make millions someday. You saw it here first.

- "Don't explain. Don't complain." -Anne Thorpe (a co-worker)
This was given as an example of how managers should trust their employees. For example, if you tell your manager you have to leave early, that's it, you have to leave early! They shouldn't ask why, they should just trust you. If you end up having to explain yourself, chances are it will be in the form of complaining; and that's your own fault. Don't explain, no need to complain. Brilliant.

More to come...

You ever have a moment?

Lately, I've been having loads of "a-ha" moments and the only thing that explains how I feel are those retro Imperial Butter commercials. My favorite is the one of the kid sitting on the dock when the crown pops up, but this one will have to do...



Damnit. This video never wants to load. Lemme know if it works for you. If not, I'll delete the posting :(. Thanks!

Hi to the fam

It's come to my attention that some of my family may be reading my blog. And to those select few...I love you. I miss you. And I'll try to write more so you know what's up!!

Best book I've read this year

Ya know how after you watch an episode of Lost , you can't stop thinkin about it? Well, I've just read the most incredible book that's done the same thing to me! It's called "Call Me By Your Name", by Andre Aciman. Aciman explains emotions and relationships like I've never seen. He gets so deeply into it, that while you're reading, you find yourself nodding your head in agreement. He's eloquent, tells a fantastic story, and at the end of the book, you can fully identify with the main character so much that it's almost like Aciman knows of your own personal heartbreak and wrote about it. A MUST READ for anyone who's into unconventional love stories.

Here's a gorgeous excerpt from Call Me By Your Name:

"In your place, if there is pain, nurse it, and if there is a flame, don't snuff it out, don't be brutal with it. Withdrawal can be a terrible thing when it keeps us awake at night, and watching others forget us sooner than we'd want to be forgotten is no better. We rip out so much of ourselves to be cured of things faster than we should that we go bankrupt by the age of thirty and have less to offer each time we start with someone new. But to feel nothing so as not to feel anything—what a waste!"

In case you don't believe me, here are some reviews:

NY Times Book Review
4.5 of 5 Stars

"This novel is hot...It is an exceptionally beautiful book that cannot quite bring itself to draw the inevitable conclusion about axis-shifting passion that men and women of the world might like to think they will always reach — that that obscure object of desire is, by definition, ungraspable, indeterminate and already lost at exactly the moment you rush so fervently to hold him or her." STACEY D’ERASMO

Boston Globe
4 of 5 Stars

"The novel is richly, sensuously detailed, from Elio’s testosterone-fueled fantasies to the pair’s passionate couplings to such vivid descriptions of the Italian countryside one can almost smell the ocean and feel the heat. … I kept wondering where the parents were in all this." KAREN CAMPBELL

San Francisco Chronicle
4 of 5 Stars

"The novel is told in retrospect; while most of the events take place over the course of a summer, this is the story of a man remembering an important moment in his past. Aciman carries the reader along by the fury of his language, tightly focusing on the all-consuming nature of love (reminding us, along the way, of Nabokov’s Lolita, Stendhal’s On Love and even the Bible’s sensual Song of Songs)." IRINA REYN

Seattle Times
4 of 5 Stars

"Aciman’s prose is alive to each spiral and retraction of feeling, to every signal sent out and withdrawn. The result is a tender-tough story of headlong love and awkward timing that reads like a highbrow cosmopolitan variation on Brokeback Mountain." MICHAEL UPCHURCH

Los Angeles Times
3.5 of 5 Stars

"Aciman’s real theme, as indicated by the novel’s title, is the idea of sexual love as absorption—the act by which all barriers are dissolved and the outside becomes one with the thing desired. … Aciman spends his literary currency on [sexual] descriptions that are over the top and detract from the novel’s more nuanced ideas." JUDITH FREEMAN

My happy thought for the day

Was walking to work this morning and discovered a van with this logo on the side:


You'll never guess what the name of the company is...SUNRISE ERECTORS!!!!
Don't believe me? Check out their url: http://www.sunriseerectors.com/

Today was awesome.

2 weeks notice

If time is the most valuable comodity we have, why do we waste time doing something that makes us unhappy? Take the customary idea of giving 2 weeks notice when you're about to leave a job. I mean, you've clearly been looking for another job because you're miserable, and yet at the end of the day, you're supposed to be considerate enough to give them 2 weeks notice to find a replacement. Hell, the job hasn't even been considerate enough to make you happy, they haven't noticed you've been looking for another job; they clearly don't give a shit about you. And yet, even if they did notice you were absent for a couple days because you mysteriously got the flu in the middle of the summer, they're not saying anything or doing anything about it. If we want out, why can't we just exit gracefully and shock them just like they shocked us in that first interview with all the questions and anxiety and hesitation? If they can do a massive round of layoffs without any warning- without giving us time to look around, why can't we just quit and leave them high and dry? I just don't get it.

It seems like the biggest load of bull crap I have yet to encounter in the work force. It's not like any project can truly wrap up in 2 weeks. It's not like just anyone can be trained to replace what you've worked years doing. So why do we bother giving in to this corporate hogwash? And honestly, what's with the exit interview? Seriously. After X amount of years, all you've wanted was to give the company a piece of your mind; to call out the people who suck and have made your life miserable; to give praise to the people who have made it bareable and to suggest things they could do to keep the rest of them there. However, they wait until you're leaving to ask you what you really think! Do they honestly think the answers will be positive? And if they are, do they pat themselves on the back and think "oh well, nothing we could have done would have made her stay?" Let's face it. People leave because something is lacking. Whether it be a better opportunity elsewhere, or a relocation, you leave because you can't/don't want to waste any more time where you are. You need change.

It's like my last breakup. We were madly in love (I think) and after a weekend of not spending enough time together, he says he thinks we need to take a break (sidebar- breaks are bullshit; either you break up or you stay together - there's no grey area). But this was no ordinary break. He wanted a 2 week break. Instantly I realized that this was my opportunity to have an exit interview; to say everything I had wanted to say over those past 2 years. Only here's the catch. He wanted to say everything HE had wanted to say. That's when I knew it was over. Sure, I would agree to a 2 week break, but only because it was "the right thing to do." Bullshit. I had been brainwashed by work to think that 2 weeks was standard for everything. I should have just said, "No thanks. Let's call this what it is. A break up." Once you've done that exit interview, you can't go back and say you've made a mistake. Two weeks notice is final. That's it. Sayonara.

But really, how awesome would it be to you say to your job, hey, do you mind if I take a 2 week break and decide if I'm still feelin' you? If not, then, see ya. Oh ya, and don't bother seeing me out. I packed up my stuff while you were too busy to notice how miserable i was.

Beautiful

An incredible scene from the movie Bent



(Synopsis: During WWII, a Berlin homosexual is caught up in the Nazi hysteria. After being forced to kill his lover, he is placed in a prison camp, where he lies so he will be classified as Jewish rather than homosexual. After a series a constitution-breaking incidents, his love for a fellow male prisoner brings him to admit his true nature.)

Abandoning my fix

My local Starbucks is undergoing renovation, so I've decided to take a break from coffee. I think I've become addicted. The first day I withdrew, I had such an insane headache that I couldn't function. Been trying to stay away from caffeine in general cuz let's face it, I really don't need the extra energy. I've replaced my vice with Super B-Complex vitamins. So far so good. Not gonna lie though. When my Starbucks reopens, I might be forced to go in just to see what it looks like. And I might be forced to get my usual Grande Skinny Vanilla Latte. Don't hate me.

Steve Martin, not a bad writer.

Shopgirl
6.3/10 Rotten Tomatoes rating

[Ray]
"And um, just so you know, I'm sorry for the way I treated you."

[Mirabelle]
"I know."

[Ray Porter]
"I did love you."

[Narrator]
"As Ray Porter watches Mirabelle walk away he feels a loss. How is it possible, he thinks, to miss a woman whom he kept at a distance so that when she was gone, he would not miss her. Only then does he realize how wanting part of her and not all of her, had hurt them both. And how he can not justify his actions, except that, well, it was life."

Love creativity? Then quit. Please.

Dear M-
You murder creativity and should retire. If you don't, I fear that our clients will never know what killer creative work is. Quit being so selfish and think about it. We might even throw you a goodbye party.

Thanks.
Leah

It's tech-sonal.

It's been a long time, but here is one of the long-awaited stoner rants.
Today's topic? Technology.

Recently i've been wondering; can you get to know and establish a relationship with someone based on text message alone? We're talkin, from the time you meet 'til a month later, the only other instance you've seen and/or shared a spoken conversation might have been just the one time you met! I'm not sure!! It's strange- all of a sudden you have to be really wise about what you write and really think before you speak. Everything can be misconstrued because you can't hear the other person's tone of voice. And as much as I love and embrace all new technology, I noticed that all this new shit eliminates our need to have face-to-face conversations.

We've essentially become extremely quiet, because we avoid all real conversation and instead look into a screen to communicate. How many times have you been sitting right next to someone and IM'ed them?? I do it constantly. In a way, it's made everything a lot more private/personal and in turn makes people a lot more suspicious and insecure about what's goin on around them. I no longer hear conversations next to me. If a friend of mine is with me and starts texting, there's always that thought "is she texting about me? why does she have to do this now?" Technology just makes everyone more private- it's crazy! Overhearing conversations is one of my favorite things! That's why sites like overheard.com do so well! Cuz you get to experience someone else's conversation just by listening around you. Makes life more interesting...

And whatever happened to multitasking?? You can obviously walk and chew gum at the same time. Now, you can't possibly text and do something else because the exact stimulai you're looking at is completely void if you try to do something else at the same time. It's not like talking outloud and cleaning a pot at the same time. Now, you can either text OR clean a pot- you cant possibly do both at the same time!! Kinda sucks.

It's funny. My ex and I used to isight all the time because we realized how impersonal it was to not speak or see the other one. And when we wanted to say something but didn't quit have the nerve to say it outloud, we would "mute talk." For example, I would mute my mike and say everything outloud that I wanted to- except, he couldn't hear me. He could only watch my facial expressions and lip read. It was actually kind of a weirdly sensual experience- cuz you're asking the other person to focus on a part of your face that they may have otherwise not noticed. I digress. The point is that you invent all kinds of new phrases that other people would only talk about if they'd experienced it themselves. And when you discover that someone else has used the same word, you form a really cool bond with them. Bonding over technology? Is that what makes people "techheads?"

Guess I'm just wondering to what extent technology can help you form bonds with people. Will it eventually replace human interaction? And can I form a relationship with someone purely over text? Cuz man, I'm really tryin over here...

God, I love weed.

"Hire Slow, Fire Fast"

-Marc Brownstein on 12.12.07 Advertising Age

Truer words were never spoken. I was speaking today with a producer we were shooting with, and I was reminded that we have 3 account people on our 1 account. Ya, it's kind of a big piece of business, but the account people don't do their jobs correctly. If they did, we would only need 1 of them. We've got a "marketing manager", a regular marketing girl, and an associate. Truth of the matter is that the associate is a waste of space and well, the manager leads when she wants to do and drops the ball when she wants to. Hell, they both need to get fired. But with the associate, I could have told you that within the first month of her being at work. It's funny though, every time she's fucked up, people get more upset over the complaints they get about her, than they do about her sucking at her job. How the hell does that make sense?! I agree with Mr. Brownstein, it's easy to know when someone sucks. Just like it should be easy to fire them. But to hire someone quickly, just to fill a space? Well, that's just stupid. Too bad that's my agency's way. Too bad they give people 6 months (ya, you heard me right) to get it right before they get fired as well. Remind me again why the hell I work here?!

Soft Pussy

They call him soft pussy. I've always known that he sucked, but surprisingly, I never gave him a nickname. Ever since I joined his team, I noticed that he was a pussy. He can't come up with big ideas, he doesn't motivate his team to do better work, and all he ever does is doubt everything. Either he hates an idea, or he's not sure about it. Up until the minute a site goes live, he'll insist that he's still not sure it's gonna work out. He looks up to the giants like everyone else does, but he doesn't do anything to match the genius other agencies have. Upper management refers to him as "soft pussy" and now I know why.

I haven't had a rant like this in a long time. Maybe that's because he's never pissed me off like he did today. Mr. Soft Pussy likes to employ soft peons on his team, save for me, the black sheep. He likes having passive people under him because that makes his job easier. He'll show us work other people have done and talk about how great the stuff is, telling us (not inspiring us) to do work like it. He'll present websites he just found that we've been circulating for weeks. He'll talk about how the reason we're not winning awards is because our ideas are too small- he's approved all of them. Well guess what Mr. Soft Pussy, if the ideas are too small, DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT. Inspire us. Take us on excursions. Motivate us to do better. Sit in on brainstorms. Offer us guidance on how to think bigger. Don't just tell us that our ideas are too fucking small! Our ideas are too small because you've widdled them down 'til an idiot sleeping on the goddamned subway would be able to check it out. And guess what else Mr. Soft Pussy, you fucking approved all of these ideas. So, if you're telling us that everything sucks, why don't you step back and take a look at what you're doing wrong too!!

Here's the problem. Coming out of a creative ad school puts you a step above people in the corporate world. These dudes have been working at the same agency for years, still stuck on a PC, and have no idea what the newest trend is. They don't know how to concept for a medium they weren't trained for in undergrad. Mr. Soft Pussy can't even view half of our sites because he doesn't know how to use his computer! And then, Mr. SP has the nerve to tell me that he doesn't think our ideas are big enough. Maybe that's because he wouldn't know if a good idea hit him in the face! Or maybe it's because he's got me working under world's most passive ACD aka Ms. Jr. SP. She's stoic about everything! If a big idea she didn't come up with is presented, she either doesn't acknowledge it or she shoots it down. The 2 of them have me working with this new AD- and by new, I mean, he's never worked in a creative department, he's never worked with a writer, and he sure as hell does not know how to concept or design- he basically lied on his resume. Six goddamned months I've been in hell, and SP has the nerve to tell me that I should be carrying douchekid art director if he sucks that much. He doesn't offer a partner switch, he doesn't offer to make things better. Rather, for the last 6 months, he's told me that they're doing "something" about it. Today, he revealed that he's been lying. He hasn't done shit. What does that tell me about how he values me as a team member? He tells me that the work this morning was terrible and that it impacts poorly on him. About fucking time he's realized that this isn't working!!

Look, I'll own up to ditching a few concepting sessions here and there because I can't bare the thought of working with douchekid. But shit, if I wanted to work alone, I'd open up my own shop. Nah, fuck that- you can't work alone in advertising! Just give me a goddamned talented team and I'll show you what good work is, Soft Pussy!!!

Honestly though, what does it say about senior management's skills if they refer to one of their worker bees as "Soft Pussy" but don't have the nerve to do anything about it?? All I know is that I would rather work for a Hard Cock of a Creative Director anyday, then work for with douchekid, Ms. Jr. SP, and this pathetic hack.

Bucket a Chicken

MMMM...


What, is there something on my face?


Post-food coma

Sure, you could eat at KFC. But only a stupidhead drunk on holiday in London would think it's a good idea to get a bucket of chicken with 4 sides at 5 am. Did I mention that there's a huge outbreak of bird flu in the UK right now? God I'm stupid. And no, I didn't make this choice alone...

I write a mean blog

I was reminded tonite that while my writing for work may not be entertaining (thanks to certain clients who continually make me boring), my blog doesn't suck. Thank you Rick Webb.

So, I've decided that I should give an update on Starfucks. Here's the deal:
-Brace dude- he gets all sorts of excited when he sees me, because who wouldn't be stoked when they get to call someone by first name at stupid o'clock in the morning. He still doesn't remember my name, or my order, but by gosh, he gives me a smile. It does mildly annoy me though when he tries making chit chat.

-Stupid girl- yes, she's still stupid. No, she doesn't remember my order. And no, she still doesn't remember my name. The other day, I reciprocated the "how are you" greeting, and the dumb idiot actually goes on to tell me that her life sucks. What do you say to that? My response? "Don't worry, your life can only get better." Ha. I'm awesome. Sometimes she'll try and remember my order, and forget the extra-hot part. Pisses me off. She's so stupid.

-Tall girl- Yup. Still tall. She now refers to my order as "the usual." Love that. What I don't love is that the other day, I asked her about whether or not the Starbucks card can be used abroad and she didn't know the answer. You work at fucking Starbucks. How can you not now the basics about your loyalty program!? Esp. when you have a big ass promotion going on with Apple iTunes. You should know everything about the card if you have at least 2 posters up in your stupid store. Steve Jobs is gonna be real pissed when he gets my letter about this.

-Coffee guy. He doesn't say hi. He won't make eye contact. He doesn't give me my drink by name anymore. Hell, I don't even think he adds love to my drink anymore. I think he's upset we didn't make out. But I'm not. And that's all that matters. Woohoo!


P.s. Halloween in NY is whack. Kinda like crack. But in a much better entertaining way.

Happy Humpday

My happy place for the day, courtesy of Dave Clark:

Fuck United Airlines

They are quite possibly the worst airline in the whole galaxy. Their new system of checking in at the airport has wasted minutes of my life that I can never get back. It's the first time that I will acknowledge that machines cannot replace people when it comes to air travel. Here's how they time-raped me:

Thursday nite:
I sign up online to receive calls from United confirming my flights.

Friday morning- flight @ 8:20 am from Boston to San Fran:
-Get a call from United at 6 am. My flight has been cancelled says the automated machine. Would I like to speak to a reservation specialist? Fuck yes, I would.
-6:15 am, talk with a reservation woman. She tells me the next flight to San Fran from Boston through United is at 4 pm. She re-routes me on another flight leaving Boston at 9:30 am through American Airlines. But I need to check in with United first, get my tickets, then proceed to American for my flight. The airline recommends getting to the airport 90 minutes before my flight. Cool, my trip is saved.
- On way to airport, I call the car service that's picking me up in San Fran. Tell them my new flight number and arrival time.
- Get to the airport at 8 am. Stand in line for "easy" check-in. Get to the front. My confirmation # doesn't work. BIG SURPRISE. United lady puts me in another line named "additional services." Nothing about that line was "easy."
-While in line, I get a call from the car service. The flight I gave him doesn't exist. Awesome.
- In line at "additional services"- some dude passes out and the paramedics come. Only problem? Dude is fuckin' blocking one of the counters with flight agent. My line doesn't move for 20 minutes until this dude can get up. Turns out he was hungover. Thanks for being a waste of space asshole. Riddle me this- how come Fergie can't board a plane cuz she's visibly drunk, but random-passed-out-hungover dude is allowed to check in to his flight after he's wasted our tax dollars on paramedics and helped half of us miss our flight??? Not even an apology from him to the people in line, for being such an ugly douchebag. I hate him and wish something worse had happened to him, just to justify his suckage of my time.
- Get to counter at 8:45 am- note: 45 minutes before my flight. Dumb travel agent is training a new girl and speaks as if other girl doesn't know english. Wastes 10 minutes explaining things to her. Lo and behold, the flight exists, but the dumb broad I spoke to on the phone, didn't follow protocol to get my ticket. I have no confirmation. Flight is booked.
- I go ripshit on idiot counter lady. Dropped the passenger bill of rights on her ass and demanded she get me on a flight since she's now made me miss any chance of going standby on this flight. She tells me there's nothing she can do and offers to get the supervisor. Damn right, bitch.
-Supervisor comes over, I explain that I got robbed by United. She tells counter girl to look away cuz she's about to do something illegal. Next thing I know, I'm booked on the 11 am flight through United to San Fran (WHAAA- THERE WAS AN 11 AM FLIGHT THE WHOLE TIME? Dumb bitch on the phone lied to me!!) with an aisle emergency row seat, and all for the price of going through extra security screening. Hell yes. Supervisors are supervisors for a reason. They work hard for their money.

Ok, so maybe that wasn't so bad. But check this:

Sunday morning- 1 pm flight from San Fran to Boston- direct flight

-Car service coming to get me at 11. Yeehaw.
-9:30 am, I call airline. Guess what?!!? My mutha fuckin flight is cancelled AGAIN!!
- Get on phone with reservation person again. She puts me on new flight at 1:55 pm through Chicago. 47 minute layover, then have flight to Boston.
- Call car service- they say they'll pick me up at noon.
_ Guess what?! Never got the fucking flight status call from United I signed up for. What a waste.
-Get to airport at 12:15 pm. Stand in line for "easy" check-in. Get to check-in and once again, my shit don't work!! United line lady tells me I need to speak to a counter person.
- I go to counter person, he orders me to stand in "additional services" line and tells me to wait my turn. FUCKING ASSHOLE, LET THE GAMES BEGIN. AGAIN.
-I get in line, again. While i'm waiting in line, everyone is on the phone with the airline. I call them too. After the third time yelling "Help" at their automated system, I finally get a live person. I yell at that person for having such a shitty system, she does nothing. Apologizes. About fucking time. First and only apology I ever got from United.
-People in line are all too nice. Notice people coming from other lines and cutting our line. No one says anything, we all just fester in anger.
-1 pm: I get to front of the line. I see a Russian bitch try and cut to speak to an agent. I yell across the room "I don't think so, lady! Get in line like everyone else!" Of course the slut is on the phone and tries telling me in broken english that she needs to make her flight. "Join the club. Wait your turn like everyone else. I'm serious. Get. In line and wait your friggin turn." I take no prisoners.
-Russian lady gets smacked down by Nazi counter agent and she storms off, still on the phone with her husband-to-be who probably mail ordered her.
-I get to counter. Counter agent lady is mad at me. Probably for yelling at Russian girl. I don't care. She tells me she hates her job. I tell her I hate her job too. And her airline. She wants to quit. Rad. Fix my shit first, woman!
- She does, but can't give me a seat. At least she gives me a seat from Chicago to Boston. Thanks god.

1:25 pm- Get to counter to get my seat assignment. They had called my name and had a seat for me, praise Allah.
1:45 pm- Get on the flight only to realize there are about 300 people on the plane. I have the last seat in the last row. Of course. I tell a flight attendant that I have 47 minutes between my connecting flight and that it would be awesome if close to landing, I could possibly move up to the front-ish part of the plane. She shoots me down saying it's a full flight. Really? No shit bitch- I had to wade through 300 stanky people to get to my seat.
7:50 pm- 15 minutes before landing in Chicago another attendant assures me it will only take 3.5 minutes for everyone to de-board. I will not miss my flight. What is it with this airline and their redonkulous lies?!

8:15 pm- Get off plane (it DID NOT take 3.5 minutes for people to get off- you do the math). Run to get food and pee. Run to terminal for connecting flight. Ha. Flight is fucking delayed. For shame.

8:55 pm- Finally get on plane to Boston. ETA, 12:09 am.

12:15 am- De-board, get my luggage. Wait on longest taxi line ever. Can't wait to get home and curse United in the comfort of my own home.

As you can see, FLYING UNITED AIRLINES IS A WASTE OF YOUR MONEY AND TIME. Spend the extra $100 and go JetBlue. They never let you down. Sigh. I heart JetBlue.


**I'm sorry if I offended any people of Russian decent. Lesson of the story, if you're on the cell phone while dealing with a dilemma, anything that sets you apart from anyone else will be picked on. End of story.

**Also, I don't really wish anything bad on random-passed-out-hungover dude. There's something in the Old Testament that says something like, intentionally embarassing someone is comparable to murder. So I suppose his embarassment of being a retard was similar to wanting to die. Which in itself is a pretty shitty feeling. I guess he probably felt like a HUGE douchebag, and that's enough for me.

OMG Coffee!

The past 3 days have been quite interesting at my local shop aka Starfucks.

Monday:
I walked in at about 9:54 am after taking Friday off and tall girl yells, "There's Leah!!" Felt highly embarassed and kept wishing that there was a hot guy in front of me I could make a smart remark to in response. Ugh. I hate Mondays.

Tuesday:
Totally came in late- around 10:00 am. Tall girl tried remembering my order. Once again forgot it. Sigh.

Wednesday:
THE BREAKTHROUGH DAY!!
Ran late again- what a surprise. Walked in around 10:03 and saw a new dude at the register. I'm going to dub him Brace Dude. He's got braces- duh. So I walk up, and he gives me this big fake smile with his mouth full of braces and asks what I want. Tall girl totally intercepts and says, "Oh, this is Leah, she's one of our regulars." WOOHOO! I'M A MUTHAFUCKIN REGULAR!! So riddle me this...if I'm a regular how come she still had to ask what my order was?!!??! WTF!! So, I tell her my order for the zazillionth time, explain to Brace Dude how he's supposed to ring my order up and how much it should come to, give him my card and go and wait for Coffee guy to make mine. Tall girl asks how I am, I tell her I'm late. Then, get this... I get my coffee (yes, Coffee dude now just says my name, not my order) and as I'm walking out, Tall girl for the first time EVER yells, "BYE LEAH!" I look back, throw her the half smile, and walk out.

For you Mr. Vane

I had a very interesting last weekend in Seattle at my cousin't wedding. This weekend opened my eyes to the varying levels of humanity I've seen in the past 3 days. Here they are:

1) When was the last time you got a ride from a stranger and didn't feel uncomfortable? Patrick Vane is my hero. He arrived at my cousin's wedding arriving mid-day Sat. and left earlier-than-normal Sunday morning to give me a ride to the airport on account of my brother being a lame ass and not wanting to. Not only was it the best road trip I've ever had, but I think I've converted yet another wealthy person to indulge in coupons. I call him "wealthy" because he was rich in personality and chose to drive a Mini instead of his Porsche. I don't think I've ever sat in a car for 4 hours and not looked at my watch. So yes, today and for the rest of July, Patrick Vane has reached the quan of human decency.

2) Since when does a 50-something woman have precedence over a pregnant woman for a seat? I'm at the airport and a pregnant woman with a massive stroller and a 2 year-old on her hip walks over to this 50-something. She asks if anyone is sitting at the 4 seats she's hovering over. And the old woman says "yes." Pregnant lady with balls of steel, calls her out on it and asks "who?" And the old lady says while pointing, "Me, my husband, my mother and my son." FUCKING CUNT. So, the pregnant lady walks away, sweaty, irritated and fat looking for another seat. I couldn't help but glare at this wanna be cougar and want to punch her in the throat. Her life is almost over and this pregnant lady is not only carrying the future generation in her uterus, but she's holding an impressionable child who now has no idea what respect is. Pisses me off.

3) Ever since Lost came out, all I care about is my safety on a plane should we crash. I always ask for an emergency aisle seat. Well, this flight, I don't end up getting one. But guess who did...a dude who was missing a hand. So of course, I look at the emergency pamphlet and read through the eligibility section to see who's allowed to sit there. And guess what!? You need to have both hands and feet able and ready to perform the duties of emergency aisle sitter. Well fuck. Do you think anyone said a damn word to this dude?? Nope. I couldn't figure out why either. Would it be discrimination if the flight attendant had made him move? If so, wouldn't this discrimination be totally viable? Especially since other lives would have been in jeopardy if this dude couldn't use a second hand to get the door open? All I have to say is that the one-handed dude was lucky there wasn't an emergency. Cuz I would have trampled him to get that door opened...does that make me an asshole?


7/11/07 4:52 pm
THIS JUST IN COURTESY OF AN UNNAMED SOURCE:::

Turns out its okay to request the one hand wonder to move from his seat:

Two reasons actually:

1st - Under the constitution its okay to discriminate (read-kick a one handed wonder out of his seat) against a "protected group" (readhandicapped folks), as long as there is a RATIONAL RELATIONSHIP (Supreme court language) between the discriminatory act (Kicking the dude out) and a "greater governmental purpose" (making sure able bodied folks are sitting in the exit rows in case of an accident).

2nd - FAA (Federal Aviation Administration) regs specifically require that only able bodied individuals sit in emergency row exit seats. I know this because I worked my way through law school as a flight attendant for United oveseas routes.

THANKS FOR THIS ENLIGHTENING PIECE OF INFORMATION!! xo