Old love

If you've ever witnessed someone having a heart flutter, it's quite possibly one of the most beautifully raw human emotions. Spring brings this kind of thing around every year. It's really odd seeing someone experience it for the first time, but it almost starts a chain reaction. Because you can relate to the person it happens to, and somehow, even if it has nothing to do with you, you want to apply it to yourself. Miraculously, I've seen love (I use that term loosely) this week.

The First Kiss
I always imagined that once you hit a certain age, everyday emotions don't apply to you anymore...like a first kiss. I was sitting on my front stoop around 10 pm and I saw a man and woman walking up to hers. They stopped, said a few words (I was too far away to hear) and then the awkward moment happened; when someone has to get the balls to go in for it. It was heart stopping. He bent down to give her a little peck, and slowly it became passionate kiss. He hesitated as he moved his arms to her sides, hers slowly moved to his. Eventually, they embraced a little bit more and he moved his hands to her face. And you could just tell that they were smitten; because there's nothing in the world like that first kiss with someone. It's so promising, and in that moment, you know something is about to happen. Anxiety dissipates and even for the shyest person, all inhibitions halt and instinct takes over. They pulled apart, looked at each other and smiled. She tore herself away from him and as she walked up her stairs, she asked him to call her later. He stayed and watched her open the first door, then the main door. She was in her building, and he just stood there catching his breath- you could see his glowtion. A second later, he turned and walked away. I couldn't see his face, but I knew that he must have had the most real smile on his face, because even I did for him. Coming from a person who doesn't necessarily believe that you only fall in love once, watching this "couple" gave me hope; that life doesn't stop when you get old. You can still get that high school adrenaline rush from a first kiss.
My realization: Maybe marriage isn't the way to go- what if you could have that first kiss feeling over and over for years to come! I don't need to get married right away. I can wait until I'm 50 something and still find "the one."

A Sex in the City moment

He flirts. You flirt back. Non-stop for 2 weeks. At what point is it acceptable to question intention? I mean at some point, you open yourself up to vulnerability. So, is it wrong to visit that "dark place" and ask if there's any sincerity in the flirting within 2 weeks of knowing someone? Or is that just weird?

Beaurocrazy

Lately it amazes me how my agency can be so successful yet is run so poorly. Because of bureaucracy and politics, nothing gets done correctly, and instead the mentality here breeds pussies, not leaders. People have become corporatized and monkeys to the institution. Because I'm a creative, I'm constantly questioning things and thinking about ways the system can be improved. Some call it malaise with the agency, but I consider it to be frustration over being subordinate to a failing process. Here are some of my ideas for betterment:

When a client doesn't get it:
Sit them down and explain how the web works. Give them a list of websites that have rocked and some that have failed. Have them tell you which they like, then reveal the truth about the sites they liked (how well they performed, etc.). Did the site win an award? Or was it an abomination and embarrassment to its makers? Then, explain your mission in having a successful collaborative relationship with them. Everything you do, is in their best interest. You would never create something that sucks. If they still don't get it, fire them. No amount of money is worth doing bad work.

A company website:
An agency website should reflect what that agency is about. If the site sucks, that's a pretty good indication what the workplace is like. For some reason, the Global ECD here, refuses to let us redesign the site. He insists that the his main office is handling it. Yet, it's been a year now, and the site still looks like a glutton barfed on it. I'm sick of hearing all these stories about how we're moving from a marketing agency to a creative one, and yet, our site blows chunks. Funny, the agency used be a marketing agency, yet they're still completely shit about marketing themselves as creative. Hmmm. How does that work? If you're gonna say something, do something.

Account vs. Creative:
Here's the deal. An agency would be nothing without the creative department. That being said, technically, the creatives should be treated with more respect than you would treat your client with. Because sure, the client pays you, but the client pays you to get CREATIVE work to them. So, if someone in account management tampers with creative, or compromises the creative in any way, they lack respect and should be dealth with- it should not be taken as being rude or disrespectful if a creative puts someone in their place for messing with the work.

The point of account people is to be the liason between client and creative. Now, i'm not saying that they're unnecessary, because I don't mind account people. It's when they treat creatives like idiots that I have the problem with them. It's when they feel that hearing creative feedback from the client should not involve the creative team. We don't need interpreters, we understand English. What we need is someone who is detached from the creative who can speak to the client concerns without biting their heads' off. Someone who will stand up for the creative when we're not so eloquent. Someone who will push and fight for the creative and really believe that it's the best it can be. If the client doesn't get it, it's your job to calm them down and educate them on our intentions.

The brief:
brief: noun
1. A short, succinct statement.
2. A condensation or an abstract of a larger document or series of documents.

Now, if a client gives you a brief, give it to us. We can decipher it. If the agency requires that the account person needs to do one, that's cool too. However, don't take a 1-page brief and turn it into 5 pages. Why? Because 5 pages, is not fucking brief! It's called a "brief" for a reason. If we wanted a novel, it would be called a novel. Give us a BRIEF, make it awesome, and make it inspirational. If you give us a novel, we should be able to turn it down and ask you to deliver what was asked of you. After all, that's what you do to us, right?

Titles:
They're bullshit. All we need to know is what you do (CW, AD, etc). We all do the same work, and work at the same level. The only thing we should know is who the boss is, and that person is the CD. Done.

Fired:
When people start losing respect for a CD, that person should be replaced. If this were the standard, there would always be someone in a CD position who is a role model. Plus, it gives people something to aspire to.

Staying late:
You do it if you have to. "Late" means anything after 8 pm at least. If you leave earlier than that, you are not allowed to bitch if you must stay late once in awhile. This should apply to every department- including production and illustrators. If you're a CD and your team stays late, you should too- that way, should something arise, you are there and are playing your part. This also applies to the account mgmt. team. If your team is working late, stick around for a bit- get them dinner, see if you can help. It's really not that hard.

Creative programs:
If you're in the creative department, you should have access to any computer program you need. No questions asked. If a writer wants Photoshop, there's a good reason. Who are you to question it? You have no title. Duh.

Time Sheets:
Should be abolished. It's when you quantify how much your time is worth that you're reminded how much you'd rather be doing something else. All we should know is that our time is valued and that we are indispensable.

Security doors on every floor:
Here's the thing, if you have security at the entrance of your building, why the need for security doors at every floor? I can't tell you how many times people have been trapped inside an elevator bank waiting for someone to buzz them in because they forgot their badge. Or how many times you've seen the elevator come and go, but haven't been able to make it because you have to swip your i.d. or push the button in order to open the 20 pound door. It's such a waste of time. If people did their jobs at the base of the building, we wouldn't have such a mistrust for foreign people coming onto our floors. That's all I have to say about that.

Hiring new talent:
I've recently come to admit/acknowledge that the guy they hired to be my partner SUCKS puss-filled, hairy balls. He has no talent, doesn't ask questions, and has the most annoying voice ever created. His portfolio is pathetic, and he's cocky. He was hired as a mid-level art director and to this day, I have yet to see him do something I couldn't do in under an hour if only I were given photoshop. It's one thing to interview someone based on their book, but how do you interview someone about their concepting skills? Oooh. Ooh. Me! I know the answer! Ya don't. You either know how to concept, or you don't. You can't learn in under a year, or in a crash session. If you can't concept, you deserve to get fired. If you repeatedly go to client meetings with the wrong information, you should get fired. If your partner first does her job, then does yours, you deserve to get fired. We may not be the best agency, but we can afford to be picky in terms of who we hire. All I know is that if people don't like working together, fix it. Move them around- make their working environment fun and awesome. Don't make people work together when one is clearly better than the other. Cuz that's just cruel...

Reviews for a promotion/raise:
People should get promoted and/or a raise based on their work. Who gives a shit if people like you or not? Advertising isn't about making friends- it's about the art of manipulation. If you can create something cool and convince the client that people will buy it, you've done your job. The place I'm at now puts your career in other people's hands. You can request that certain people be asked to give you feedback, but your manager can totally fuck you and ask whomever they want- regardless of your list. So what the fuck is the point of even making a list?!? There isn't' one. The process is archaic and makes you feel like you constantly need to kiss people's asses in the hopes of becoming prom queen. Here's the deal. You should get promoted based on the amount of work you put in, the quality of the work you create and the perseverance to do better than the guy next to you. End of story.


**Ultimately, if you don't like the way something's being done, do it better. Offer ways to improve it. If it doesn't take, get the hell out. Life's too short to deal with other people's b.s. We all have our own.

Downtown Xing Starbucks P3WNs me

I had a client meeting today in Connecticut. Needed to meet my ACD and marketing girl at 7:45 am. So, I selfishly went to a Starbucks on the way. Duh, of course I didn't go to the one closer to work. I walked into this one, and it was empty- like a ghost town. Is the whole world of Boston asleep at 7 am? Not only did I walk right in and order, but they got my order right in under a minute! However, they didn't remember to give me my reduced fat blueberry cake, which did in fact annoy me. Here's why...had they given it to me in an orderly fashion when I paid, I would have made my train, and had more time to chill outside in the beautiful sunlight before getting into a car for 4 brutal hours. So now, I gotta give it up for my Starbucks peeps in Downtown Crossing. Cuz while I may hate on them from time to time, they're on the pastry shit like a married man on a single girl; in, out and smilin' all the way to work.

Starfucks

I go to the same Starbucks every morning. And I order the same thing everyday: Grande sugar-free vanilla nonfat extra-hot latte. Without fail, something wack always happens there.

Here are the people who make my Starbucks stories possible:

The manager-
Nice guy, super tall. He remembers my name.

The tall girl-
She greets me by name every morning with a real smile. She knows when I'm late for work and when I'm on time. She usually makes the drinks but on occasion does the register.

The dumb girl-
She takes the drink orders. Never remembers my name or my order.

The coffee guy-
He makes the coffee. Sometimes does the register.

So, here are some scenarios that happen on a regular basis:

5/1/07
The coffee guy NEVER acknowledges my name. He just reads the cup with the order on it when he pust it up on the station top. He never just says, "Leah, here you go!" However, one day, he manned the register. And after I ordered, he looks at me and says "Has anyone ever told you that you're beautiful?" No, buddy, but thanks. Next time, why don't you make me feel like a person instead of just yelling "grande sugar-free vanilla nonfat extrahot latte." Say my name- it might help me believe you.

5/4/07
Today, this woman before me goes to order and dumb girl who never
remembers my shit says to her:
"Don't worry______. You're taken care of."

And I looked at her in disbelief- with the manager (who happens to remember my name AND my order) behind her. And I said, "how come I'm never taken care of? I'm in here everyday!" and she goes, "hi!- what can I get you? Oh wait, a grande latte, right?" and I looked at her like she was fucking bonkers, took a deep breath and said " no. I'd like a grande sugar-free vanilla, nonfat, extra-hot latte please" and she goes, "wait, I think I remember your name. Leah, right?" and I was like, "yes. Thank you." I looked back at her manager with a "I can't believe this bitch" face and he
was laughing his ass off already. Rightfully so.

5/10/07
After the "beautiful" instance, coffee guy has started making my coffee and bringing it to the register while I pay (only if it's super busy). He doesn't make me walk over to the station. Sometimes he says I'm beautiful under his breath. Sometimes he says "here Leah." Wonder how he decides.

5/20/07
Today coffee guy asked if I was at the mall yesterday. I said yes. How did he know I was there? I didn't know what to say, so I told him that he should have come over and said "hi." As if he and I are friends or something. I think coffee guy might be stalking me.

5/29/07
Full moons do crazy things to me. My mood gets all sorts of altered and I feel out of sorts every time. However, today, there was a new development in my Starbucks saga that I can only attribute to the moon. I walked in there this morning, looked at tall girl and said that I'd like a grande coffee (lately, I've been switching between hot coffee and cold iced tea). And she instantly, for the first time EVER remembered my order! AND, she spelled my name right! Granted, she forgot the extra-hot part, but that's ok, cuz it was hot outside anyway. All in all, even though my day was entirely fucked up, at least I was able to count on Starbucks...

Ethereal

THE LOVE COOK

Let me cook you some dinner.
Sit down and take off your shoes
and socks and in fact the rest
of your clothes, have a daiquiri,
turn on some music and dance
around the house, inside and out,
it's night and the neighbors
are sleeping, those dolts and
the stars are shining bright,
and I've got the burners lit
for you, you hungry thing.

--Ron Padgett

Question

Is it better to have loved and cheated? Or to have never gotten married, waited until you found the one and lived happily ever after?

Better yet.

Is it cheating if the other person never finds out?

And so he cheats...

THE UNSAID

One night they both needed different things
of a similar kind; she, solace; he, to be consoled.
So after a wine-deepened dinner
when they arrived at their house separately
in the same car, each already had been failing
the other with what seemed
an unbearable delay of what felt due.
What solace meant to her was feeling understood
so well you'd give it to her before she asked.
To him, consolation was a network
of agreements: say what you will
as long as you acknowledge what I mean.
In the bedroom they undressed and dressed
and got into bed. The silence was what fills
a tunnel after a locomotive passes through.
Days later the one most needy finally spoke.
"What's on TV tonight?" he said this time,
and she answered, and they were okay again.
Each, forever, would remember the failure
to give solace, the failure to be consoled.
And many, many future nights
would find them turning to their respective sides
of the bed, terribly awake and twisting up
the covers, or, just as likely, moving closer
and sleeping forgetfully the night long.

--Stephen Dunn

9/11

It's strange how when disaster strikes you remember only pertinent little things about that day and forever more. I remember getting a call from my dad asking why I was still in bed that morning. He asked if I had any idea what was going on. I didn't. I was still in bed. I ran to the tv and watched in horror as the second plane hit the tower. I remember driving around that day in a daze; not wanting to talk to anyone, or smile at anything. I made the calls to my friends in NY and made sure they were all safe. Then, at around 8 pm, I got a call from Keren. She told me that Lisa was on the second flight. I didn't know what to do. I just sat in disbelief. I called my best friend and had a good cry about it. September 11th became a whole lot more personal after that phone call. Every year, I try to think about Lisa and the friendship I had with her. I went to Ground Zero Dec. 2001 and there were little girls giving out hot chocolate. I couldn't stand being there longer than 20 minutes. I hopped in cab and got the earliest flight back to Boston.
It's crazy how every year until this one, this date has been easier to deal with. This year was different though. This year, Keren was killed. September 11th now has a whole new feeling for me. My one connection to Lisa has passed away. The one person I knew I could share my grief with today is gone as well. Tried to stay home and keep busy so I wouldn't be as upset about it.
How does a day of solemnity turn into a day of double-duty mourning?

Drunk haters suck

I noticed that when I'm stoned I tend to say a lot of stupid things. However, anyone who can bring up Nancy Kerrigan during a party, always halts conversations. No idea how I even remember her, but it came up during our kung fu fighting discussion. I mentioned the throat punch (always wins points) and for some reason was reminded of the Kerrigan/ Harding incident. How stupid could Tanya have been? I bet she was high when she schemed. Sounds like good revenge when fucked up, but when done outloud- a complete and utter disaster.
In my mind, she thought something like this...
How can I fuck that bitch up and take first place?
Oh wait, I know.
I'm gonna hire someone to go out in the middle of her routine with an ax. Ya, an ax.
And I'm gonna make him hit that bitch in the knees in front of everyone.
She'll look so stupid.
Hehehehehhe.

What a dumb ass this Tanya Harding was. I mean, I come up with loads of stupid ideas. But to attempt a knock off in front of so many people gives us haters such a bad name. Bad Tanya. Bad, bad Tanya.

My favorite drink? Hater-ade.

People always bitch about how "hate" is such a strong word. Well, hello! Duh, of course, it's a strong word. That's why it's one of my favorites. I think it's reallly important to have opinions and to feel strongly about something. Hence my constant usage of the word. I love to hate. I think it's so much fun to feel that strongly about someone or something. For example, I absolutely hate this one girl I went to school with. From the day I met her, to today, I absolutely loathe her. I can't stand how much makeup she wears, I hate how she never wears shirts that fit her, I hate that she's always about no, never about yes. The thing that gets me the most about her, is that my hate is justified. She's one of those people who smiles so rarely, that when she does, it makes you uncomfortable; like you don't know if it's sincere, or not. She's a bitch to everyone, and her first impression is the same as her last impression...complete and utter cunt. So yes, I hate her. And if you were to ask me how I feel about her tomorrow, even after she's bought me a shot of tequila to reconcile, I'd still hate her. Why? Because I hate tequila and I hate her.
Now, with that being said, I was thinking of making a never-ending list of things I hate. This way, my becoming a superior hater will be complete.
I hate:
-getting out of bed when it's cold outside
-liver
-having a hangnail with no nail file in sight
-velvet
-liars
-hangovers
-people who fish for compliments
-when people call and don't leave messages - they just want you to know that they called. So lame.
-being broke
-fans that emit hot air
-fake boobs
-wearing underwear
-boys who think they can dance
-guys who think the trigger finger actually works
-THAT guy
-people who assume that everyone from The Valley speak like they do in the movies
-fakeness
-people who are afraid of confrontation- a note about this: if you have a problem with someone, don't be a pussy and email or text them your problem- say it to their face.
-that my cell phone NEVER works like it's supposed to
-people who have lived in the US for 5+ years and still can't speak english
-that smoking gives you cancer
-cancer
-being so much taller than all my girlfriends
-crying for sadness
-people who are too lazy to put the toilet paper on the roll, but rather sit it atop it.
-bug bites
-people who are stuck in their high school days
-bad spellers
-people who contradict themselves
-people who can't admit they're ever wrong
-paper cuts
-stepping in gum
-tissues that fall apart when you blow into them
-paper towels that don't absorb anything when their ads promise they do
-when food gets stuck in my teeth
-the way ravers dress- scratch that. just ravers in general.
-when DVDs are scratched
-the sound a cd makes when it skips
-bug chasers
-people who substitute powerbars and protein drinks for food
-cats and pigeons
-when boys don't know how to say goodbye and the end of a date
-people who don't return phone calls within the week
-being late, or anyone else being late
-having to stop drinking on account of being too drunk
-people who snore
-puking in public places
-that good weed shows in your eyes
-hair
-when people hide their emotions or put down other people's emotions
-the word "interesting"
-that people need possession of things
-morning breath
-that cat sound people make when someone's being a bitch
-immaturity
-that I can't sync my phone to my computer
-money
-dry skin
-being pale
-bloodshot eyes
-that I have curly hair
-that people think familial love is unconditional and not earned
-competition
-dust
-when i try to clear a puddle and don't
-that the salt they use to make the snow dry, stains clothes
-zits
-body odor
- Hidden pride. Yes, I hate hidden pride. If you're proud, show it. There's nothing worse than someone who you know is proud, but won't admit it.
-corporatized people who are afraid to be real just in case HR is called
-when guys in their late 20's still don't know how to act/or do anything productive in bed
-all shows based on the police
-when people confuse ignorance with being mean
-cock blockers- both girls and guys who kill your game
-cellulite
-when people don't move out of the way when you need to get off the train
-white people who think they're black
-people who are cheap
-people who have money, complain about being broke, and then go on shopping sprees
-people who have issues but refuse to go to therapy
-people who think therapy is only for messed up people
-forced diversity
-people who don't own up when they've made a mistake. there would never be a need for blame if people were just honest.
-being forced to work with people who have no talent but are able to keep their jobs because we can't find anyone better.
-being invited to something, then getting ignored by the person who invited you.
-people who don't tell the whole truth (similar to liars, whom I hate, but a little bit different)
-guys in their 30's who STILL don't know what they're doing in bed
- people who can't handle their shit when wasted
-feeling embarrassed
-being intentionally embarrassed by someone else
-false hope
when I can't find my song on iTunes

re-inventing couchtime

It's been brought to my attention that I haven't discussed how true a good couch can be. Think back to all the great memories you've had on a couch. Drinking, talking, watching. All good, no, great things happen on a couch. I can actualy pinpoint a plethora of good things that have happened to me on one. However, none can even amount to the great things I anticipate will happen on my new and very own couch (once I find it). I imagine that all of wildest fantasies can happen with it. That I can share it with my best friends, my boyfriends, my favorite tv shows, my favorite commercials. Couchtime should be reinvented. It should be all about wanting to take someone back to your place, sharing a good bottle of wine, good conversations and incredible makeout time. To share your innermost self with it. I hope that mine would talk about the incredible people I've met; the love I've found on it, the memories I've made while sitting on it, laying on it, consumating a relationship on it. And no, not in a gross way. In a beautiful way.
When I find it, I hope I'll know. Maybe it will be like love at first sight. Maybe it will be more like not wanting to share it with anyone else. Like a wonderful relationship is about to start. Like you would have to be a really fucking special person to even sit on this couch...
Sigh.
One day, this couch will be mine. Oh yes, mine. All mine.

Couchtime!

how wrong is it?

It seems as if I have this compulsion to move every couple of months since 2001. I don't know what it is about staying stationary or what scares me so much about it, but it's about to happen again. I've been back in Miami for a total of 8 months. I was itching to get outta here in February. London is my calling, but then again, I thought the same thing about Australia, Turks and Caicos, Italy, Spain and everywhere else. Until I'm there longer than 3 months...and then I up and leave. Granted, I've had to move for schooling purposes, but I'm borderlining on being somewhere almost a year and I'm worried.

Truth be told, I'm dying to buy a couch. I've never had my own and in my mind, it's a sign of stability; that I'm not going anywhere for a long time. I don't have any physical attachment to anything right now other than my journal. Yes, I think a couch would be a good acquisition. I try and convince my friends to go hunting for one with me...no, not on the streets of Miami Beach, but at actual stores. We never get further than Pottery Barn. The other day Catja and I parked ourselves on a $2,700 one, and didn't move for over an hour. We joked that it was ours and gave the employees dirty looks when they walked past our living room uninvited. Makes me laugh to think that a couch could possibly ground me.

I don't even know the first thing about making a big purchase like that. I have no idea what color I would want, or where on earth I would put it. I don't have a permanent apt. to park it, and I don't even know where I'm going to be living next month. All that matters to me lately is the purchase of this anomalous couch though. Can't stop thinking about how much I want one. I walk by couch window displays dreaming that they're mine, scheming of a way to break in, take the couch, and get out without anyone knowing. Ha.

Anyway, I guess the main purpose of a blog is to rant about random shit only useful to me. So, if you happen to read this, and know where I can buy a good nice couch, please let me know. Thanks. Happy sitting.