Dumb hookers

No really- the Las Vegas Review Journal just posted the top 50 hottest hookers in Vegas to look out for (read about it HERE)- including photos and a list of their known misdemeanors!! If you're in Vegas right now, maybe you can find one and say hi...

Peanuts = Penis? Yes, I agree. Circle gets a square.

Guess who got this on Valentine's Day??

HA

Guess there are Gloucester whores everywhere!
In the UK,
Chantelle Steadman, 15 year-old tramp
+
barely pubescent Alfie Patten, 13 years old, 4 ft. tall
=
baby

This is almost as disgusting as Octo-slut, Nadya Suleman.

Kitten on kitten

Courtesy of the lovely Cat. Puss puss.

NEW BUFF MONSTER

Happy Vday to me! Buff's kicking this one off right with his web-exclusive "Bloody Valentine" figure. Looks like it might be a 10" incher? Goes on sale tomorrow morning 10 am PST on his site ONLY. Love me? Get it HERE!

Happy Humpday

Only in America

Best website ever. Thisiswhyyou'refat.com. HAHA!!

When was the last time you booked a flight?

Always wondered if there was something on Oceanic's website that would give us clues...still searching.

Two tears

James Whitmore aka "Brooks" from The Shawshank Redemption passed away on Friday. So sad.

Bacon is the bomb

Need another reason why Boston sucks?

Because only in this town would stupid cops arrest Shepard Fairey...Read about it here.

Unemployment haikus

Hilarious. Check out the rest of them HERE.

I hate Barbie. That bitch has everything.

Check out the designers lined up to design grown-up dresses for Barbie's 50th anniversary at NY Fashion Week. AND Christian Laboutin is designing all the model's shoes in the signature 219 Pantone Pink. So hot.
(PHOTO SOURCE HERE)

Anna Sui
Baby Phat
Badgley Mischka
Betsey Johnson
Bob Mackie
Brian Reyes
Calvin Klein
Carmen Marc Valvo
Catherine Malandrino
Chris Benz
Costello Tagliapietra
Derek Lam
Diane von Furstenberg
Donna Karan
Erin Fetherston
House of Field
Jeremy Scott
Juicy Couture
Kai Kuhne
Kenneth Cole
Koi Suwannagate
Lyn Devon
Marchesa
Michael Kors
Monique Lhuillier
Naeem Khan
Nanette Lepore
Nicole Miller
Norma Kamali
Peter Som
Rachel Roy
Rag & Bone
Rebecca Taylor
Reem Acra
Robert Best
Rosa Cha
The Blonds
Three As Four
Tibi
Tommy Hilfiger
Tory Burch
Tracy Reese
Trina Turk
Tuleh
Twinkle
Vena Cava
Vera Wang
Vivienne Tam
Yeohlee
Yigal Azrouel

Check it

Straight guys-take note. If your body looked like this...sigh. Just...shit-make your body look like this, ok?

P.s. This is gold medal Australian Olympic diver, Matthe Mitcham. The men out there are lucky to have him...

Hilarity

How awesome is our president?!

Visit msnbc.com for Breaking News, World News, and News about the Economy

Big surprise

Not really. Publicis' Honeyshed project FAILED. Read about it Here. Makes me laugh cuz Soft Pussy was SO convinced Honeyshed was the wave of the future. And, true, it might have been- but only because it was a Droga initiative. However, it takes a big man to admit when things aren't working out, and Droga did just that. As for Mr. Soft Pussy, add this to his list of suck.

Don't sleep

Marinate. Discuss.

Superads09

Discovered Tweetchat last nite. Love the rest of the ad whores and all the peeps who took part in it. Rick, your comments esp. cracked me up. Is my gold toilet on ebay yet? Here're the faves:

The underdog- Cash4gold.com


The obvious winner-Careerbuilder.com

When's your spot running?

Agencyspy has posted this list of commercial sponsors who have bought time on NBC during the Superbowl. I think there may be some that are missing though. How awesome to know ahead of time when to look out for stuff!

Karas: The Prophecy

Solo and I watched this the other day. Definitely an Anime film worth seeing- amazing battle scenes. However, lemme know if you understand the plot within the first 5 minutes, cuz I surely didn't. I will say this though, Anime is amazing cuz they storyboard stuff out like an actual movie with few transitional shots. Cool to watch, hard to follow. Four tomatas.

Hilarity

He's probably like one hundred twelvity years old

Every girl can spot when someone's wearing eyeliner. Supposedly, Richard Alpert doesn't wear the stuff. But who cares, he's still dreamy. I love him.

Oh Mikey

Not even Michael Phelps can resist the large mic.

Not a fan

I'm not a fan of Jessicas (at least the ones I've met), but I feel genuinely bad for Ms. Simpson. So she stopped starving herself, BFD. Last time I checked there were more important things going on in the world. Ever heard of a little place called Darfur?

Unconfirmed rumor

Perez Hilton posted this. How awesome would it be if Michelle Obama is really pregnant!?

My Cali peeps

Has anyone seen the newest Milky Way spot with the vending machine? I feel like the voice over is the same woman who does those obnoxious Vons (Or Ralphs) radio commercials. Can someone please confirm?

Teleflora spot

Second half of the Superbowl, be on the lookout for a Teleflora commercial. My boy Josh wrote it. HOLLA!

Get a clue, America

How come all the good Superbowl spots are banned?? Check out the most recent one from PETA. Bummer.

Happy Friday

Yum

Now THIS is the snack of all Superbowl snacks. Wanna know how to make it? CLICK HERE!

What the...

Check out this error message I got while trying to book a flight on JetBlue. It reads:
You have arrived at a location not expected by the program.

This is not really a problem; we just didn't expect to see you here...(and it goes on).

Here's my response:

Dear JetBlue-
Waddya mean you "didn't expect me here??" I was in the middle of choosing my seat during the checkout process. I clicked "continue" and you guys sent me here. Saying you "didn't expect to see me here" is pretty much a UI issue, no? Here's a thought- you should either fix this glitch, or not admit to me that you don't know why I got redirected here. And seriously guys- get a writer who's gone through the 20 steps involved with purchasing a flight. 'Cuz saying "This is not really a problem" when it happens right before you ask for my credit card is just fucking annoying. Worst. Error. Message. Ever.
Sincerely,
YOUFAIL

RIP

It was just announced (via myspace) that Charlie Cooper, the other half of Telefon Tel Aviv passed away on Jan. 22nd. Another music maker gone too soon. One tear.

Lyrics for this year

David Gray's This Year's Love

This years love had better last
Heaven knows it's high time
And I've been waiting on my own too long
But when you hold me like you do
It feels so right
I start to forget
How my heart gets torn
When that hurt gets thrown
Feeling like you can't go on

Turning circles when time again
It cuts like a knife oh yeah
If you love me got to know for sure
Cos it takes something more this time
Than sweet sweet lies
Before I open up my arms and fall
Losing all control
Every dream inside my soul
And when you kiss me
On that midnight street
Sweep me off my feet
Singing ain't this life so sweet

This years love had better last
This years love had better last

So whose to worry
If our hearts get torn
When that hurt gets thrown
Don't you know this life goes on
And won't you kiss me
On that midnight street
Sweep me off my feet
Singing ain't this life so sweet

This years love had better last
This years love had better last
This years love had better last
This years love had better last

Greens

I twittered the universe looking for "TREES."
My friend Dan-E's response,"How about this tree?"

Pam Anderson x Vivienne Westwood

Newest ads for Viv's Spring/Summer '09 collection. Viv and her hubs are in them too. Love it or hate it?

Lyrics of the day

You can't fight without making up, but you've gotta figure that part out on your own. Good luck.

Regina Spektor's The Call
It started out as a feeling
Which then grew into a hope
Which then turned into a quiet thought
Which then turned into a quiet word

And then that word grew louder and louder
Til it was a battle cry

I'll come back
When you call me
No need to say goodbye

Just because everything's changing
Doesn't mean it's never
Been this way before

All you can do is try to know
Who your friends are
As you head off to the war

Pick a star on the dark horizon
And follow the light

You'll come back
When it's over
No need to say good bye

You'll come back
When it's over
No need to say good bye

Now we're back to the beginning
It's just a feeling and no one knows yet
But just because they can't feel it too
Doesn't mean that you have to forget

Let your memories grow stronger and stronger
Til they're before your eyes

You'll come back
When they call you
No need to say good bye

You'll come back
When they call you
No need to say good bye

Happy Monday

Thumper must die.

Guess who showed The Thumper who's boss this weekend?!

Starting at 8:30 pm on Saturday nite, my neighbor Casey and I started to hear swarms of people going up the stairs. I live in an old building; when one person goes up/down the stairs, it sounds like 20, so imagine if you hear more than one person...As my neighbor and I saw the last installment of ugly posers truck up the stairs, we got worried. Twenty minutes later, with my apartment vibrating and sand falling from the ceiling, we realized...Dumb Thumper bitch decided to throw a party. And by "party" I mean 30-40 Berklee kids crammed into a 200 sq. foot apt. playing Beirut and singing along to Fiona Apple.

So, this is how it all went down:
Rather than get super pissed so early in the nite, we decided to take baby steps and flip the switch. And by "switch" I mean the fuse. That's right, it started by turning the electricity off to half her apt. To be fair, I turned it off in my apartment too, but I was willing to sacrifice the food in my fridge if it taught this bitch a lesson. As I'm returning from the fuse box, lo and behold, The Thumper appeared at my door. Now, just to describe her...I had never actually seen her before and it is now confirmed why she's The Thumper. She wears Ugg boots. She's portly. She has long heavy, wavy, auburnish-red hair- exactly how you'd imagine a large Thumper upstairs to live (and yes, I'm fully judging her). Drunkenly, she tried to apologize for the noise and assured me that all the losers were leaving at midnite- it was only 9:30 pm. This is what was said:

Thumper: I'm so sorry about the noise and stuff, I've never lived in an apartment so I don't really know how to do this kinda thing. But I swear we'll all be leaving around midnite."
Me: That's fine, just do me a favor, stop dropping shit.
Thumper: (apparently she thought this was funny) (laughing) Ok, I'll try, but I'm just really clumsy.
Me: That's fine and all, but you've gotta stop dropping shit. Seriously. I don't know what you're dropping, but it's kinda ridiculous.
Thumper: Ok thanks. See you later.

The dropping of shit did not stop. Two hours, later, the sing-along began. Before I ran up and punched her throat, I got reinforcements, i.e. Casey (my neighbor). She had her ipod in, so I knew the Thumper was affecting her too. As a collective mini-army, we go upstairs, and make 2 loitering kids in the hall get The Thumper. On her door, we see this sign (written on bright-red paper, btw) "Dear Neighbors, Sorry about the noise. We'll be leaving by midnight, I promise. Love (actually, it was a heart), 4a."

Casey and I looked at each other and snickered. This bitch actually thought that a sign was gonna prevent people from getting pissed. Maybe it would've a day before, had she had forewarned us about her weak attempts at a soiree and invited us to stop by (p.s. we wouldn't have been caught dead there). I digress. The door opens and The Thumper's wasted. She takes one look at me and her smile drops. I looked at her and literally, all I said was "Not ok." HAHAHHAHAHHAHAHHA (Ryan, I woulda made you proud).

She goes, "Omg, I'm sorry." Looks back at all the wasted 20-year olds she probably spent the whole nite trying to convince how cool she was and goes "Guys, parties over. Everyone needs to get out- we're gotta go to the bar!"

SUCCESS!!!

I should probably mention that The Thumper has at least one of these shin-digs at least once a month. This one was tame in that there weren't kids hanging over the fire escape yelling "STELLA" at everyone who walked by. Our landlord strongly prohibits undergrad kids living her for the obvious reasons. Of course I didn't wanna be that lame old asshole who gets mad at neighbors for throwing parties, but shit, once in awhile, you gotta have a movie nite. And in all honesty, once she apologized the first time, I turned her power back on (she's so stupid, she doesn't even know where the fuse box is). So it's not like I ruined her party. Plus, when she finally kicked everyone out, it was 11:45 pm. so I hung in there the whole time.

Moral of the story: Letters to The Thumper don't work. Banging on the ceiling to tell The Thumper to shut the fuck up don't work. Going upstairs and scaring the shit out of The Thumper...WORKS.

It was a good weekend.

Courtesy of the lovely Vicki

Sweet stickers

New Buff stickers. Awesome.

History in the making

Twins Jenna and Barbara Bush wrote a letter to Sasha and Malia Obama via the Wall Street Journal giving them advice on how to make the most out of the time in the White House. They really portray their time there as being magical. The best part is that boozy Jenna contributed- you know...the same boozy Jenna that wasn't smart enough to avoid getting arrested for booze. If I were the Obama girls, I'm not sure I'd take her advice...

When my old partner Andy and I left our flat in Prague, we started this "bible" where we left hints and notes to the interns following us on how to make the most out of their experience there. We wrote stuff about the landlords, the people we worked with, names of waiters, where to barf in public and not get arrested, etc. Once we left, we emailed the next set of interns and told them where to find the bible. For about 2 years, every MAS school intern who came through Prague, had contributed to the bible and continued on its legacy.

That's the kind of shit Jen and Babs Bush shoulda done for Sasha and Malia, not sending in a stupid letter to the WSJ and hope the girls actually read that shit. Why didn't they send it in to CosmoGirl or something (ya, ya, I know that magazine is dead)? Or better yet, they shoulda just hid it somewhere- like in a crawl space or something! Their advice isn't even anything that exciting a normal person wouldn't jump in on. I mean honestly, "slide down the banister"- DUH. Gimme shit like if your hamster dies, bury it next to ours in the Habitrail Cemetery™ on the far east side of the great lawn- everyone's gerbil is buried there.

Anyway, I guess it's still pretty cool of them to have written it. It still doesn't make me like George W. though. Not even a tiny bit. Not even for a nanosecond. I still fuckin' hate him and hope that his first grandchild is an adorable gay boy who grows up to be a tranny. I bet that'd really piss him off...

Thank you, Florian Kaps

Dude. Polaroid lives! Check it out HERE!!

Livin' the High Life

Takes a great brand to realize that they don't even need to water down their ads. Check out the new site from Miller High Life specifically designed for the Super Bowl in mind...1secondad.com.

God Save The Queen

Ye Olde English Dunny series drops Jan. 22nd. Artists include: Clutter, Doktor A, Frames, HiCalorie x Julie West, ilovedust, Jon Burgerman, Keanan Duffty, McFaul, Mimic, Peskimo, Shok 1, Tado, Triclops and UAMOU. Looks pretty hot.

Geek out

Stick this USB in your plant's soil for 24 hours. Then, plug it into your computer and find out your plant's soil conditions, sunlight, temperature, and humidity levels. It's like a plant doctor, only better. Wish there was a USB that did this kinda thing for us- and no, I'm not talking about a thermometer. Anyway, it's called an EasyBloom and can be purchased HERE.

January 20, 2009

Felt the need to come out of my hole to recognize what an amazing day this has been. Been home watching President Barack Obama get sworn in as our 44th president. Seriously people, if there's any reason to get emotional right now, this is it. Twelve years ago today, I was in Washington DC at Bill Clinton's inauguration. But the patriotism I felt today far surpasses meeting Al Gore, attending the inaugural ball AND seeing Peter, Paul and Mary. There's nothing like the feeling that big things are about to happen. God bless America and the new first family.

Side note: Big ups to The Barbarian Group on a campaign well done. Don't think a minute went by during the inaugural telecast where I didn't see a pop-up for the CNN headline shirts. I would love to know how many hits THIS site got today. Serious kudos, guys.

Rest in peace, Ang

Angie, the most recent addition to our family, was laid down to rest on Friday. I conveniently found out last nite while I was out...awesome. Needless to say, I'm pretty sad and will be taking a break from the web (and this blog) for a minute. Lots of rough shit has gone down lately, so for those of you who knew me during my last London stint, consider this my "betterment time." You know how to reach me...

love.

Wish I was here.

This beach in Tulum looks damn near perfect. If anyone sees my bro down there, punch him in the ankle for leaving me behind. Thanks.

Obamicon.Me

High five to Paste Magazine for being the first to make a pretty user-friendly version of Shep's art (you've gotta have Flash 10 to create your own). Go to their site HERE, upload a photo or take a webcam shot, and BADOW!, you too can be Obamiconned (I just made up that word...you'll use it, believe me).

Happy Thursday

CLICK HERE FOR COMPLETE DAVID LEE ROTH HILARITY!! Courtesy of the amazingly awesome Gunny aka Ryan K.

Meh.

Posh is the newest Armani underwear model. Nice airbrushing on the left. She admits she's never worked out so how could she possibly have abs like that? Eff this. BRING BACK DAVID!

Is this for real?

God, I hope not.

IT'S ABOUT TIME

Finally, an easy way to objectify all those hot ad men we love so much. Someone's created a blog entitled "America's Next Top Ad Bachelor." Because honestly, with the economy being so shitty, we've got nothing else to do than to think of sex. Now, if you haven't seen the blog, or visited it in the past 2 days, here's an update: surprisingly, my boy Julian got bumped by Utsch, but don't fret! Because the replacements are now Marcus Smith vs. THE SKAFF-INATOR!!! Vote HERE now! P.s. Skaff's offering $100 worth of PBR to the highest voter.

Who cares.

Fuck it. I'm drunk, I'm high, and I just kicked out two really solid people from my apt. for being on the verge of fucking. Truth: I wouldn't have normally cared. I would've let them fuck and make sweet sweet love...had this been 2008. But this is the year, I take back myself- so fuck it. Before I continue, however, let's just acknowledge right off the bat, that I'm fucked up, and should technically be exempt from here-to-fore charges incurred while being a wingman. To explain my retardedness, here's a rant i haven't done in a really effin long time- a stoned one. It's 2009, and one minute I feel bad about saying "fuck" and the next minute I don't. Fuck it all. Bring on 2009 bitches. And so begins the saga...

Why ARE you so fucked up?!
Yes, I'm talking to you, dude- you, who tells me that you're fucked up, and so I'M supposed to deal with it. You tell me you don't give a shit if I hook up with your friends (p.s. sure tell sign that you don't give a fuck). But I ensure you that there's no way I ever would- whether you approve or not (p.s. this means that maybe I might actually like you, or at least I say I do, and not be sure about it). At the end of the day, it comes down to respect. Either you care about the person or you don't. Either you want to hear about their sexual habits, or not. People know these things when they're friends. I thought you were cool. I thought that if you just had someone to take your mind off her, that you'd ease up. And yet, you're not only more "fucked up", but according to you're friends, she's now molded you to be less than awesome. My first New Year's resolution is a result of you- you made me realize that I deserve someone who's nice to me. Either you see dinner as two friends hanging out, or not. Just acknowledge something, anything, just be real, dude - and maybe you'll find the best of yourself- and realize you don't need to latch onto what you used to have...Just be cool- because I could either like you or hate you. And so far, it's not looking too good.

Killed it.

Once again, Shepard Fairey crushes it with Saks. Gracing the cover of the new Saks catalogs and shopping bags, Fairey's Soviet-inspired designs combined with the slogan "Want It!", will undoubtedly be the new high school textbook wrapper.

I hate her

Stupid Kelly Osbourne got my dog. Wish these celebutard bitches would stop getting Shibas so when I'm finally ready to get mine they don't cost twelvity million dollars.

Save yo'self. Become a cowboy.

Headline on msnbc.com this past Thurs. 1/8/09:
Cowboy churches rope in new Christians

Gunny, your dream just came true. Does Jessica Simpson lead the choir? Read about it HERE!

FUCK CANCER

No one puts Swayze in the corner!! Please, pray for him...