He's probably like one hundred twelvity years old

Every girl can spot when someone's wearing eyeliner. Supposedly, Richard Alpert doesn't wear the stuff. But who cares, he's still dreamy. I love him.

Oh Mikey

Not even Michael Phelps can resist the large mic.

Not a fan

I'm not a fan of Jessicas (at least the ones I've met), but I feel genuinely bad for Ms. Simpson. So she stopped starving herself, BFD. Last time I checked there were more important things going on in the world. Ever heard of a little place called Darfur?

Unconfirmed rumor

Perez Hilton posted this. How awesome would it be if Michelle Obama is really pregnant!?

My Cali peeps

Has anyone seen the newest Milky Way spot with the vending machine? I feel like the voice over is the same woman who does those obnoxious Vons (Or Ralphs) radio commercials. Can someone please confirm?

Teleflora spot

Second half of the Superbowl, be on the lookout for a Teleflora commercial. My boy Josh wrote it. HOLLA!

Get a clue, America

How come all the good Superbowl spots are banned?? Check out the most recent one from PETA. Bummer.

Happy Friday

Yum

Now THIS is the snack of all Superbowl snacks. Wanna know how to make it? CLICK HERE!

What the...

Check out this error message I got while trying to book a flight on JetBlue. It reads:
You have arrived at a location not expected by the program.

This is not really a problem; we just didn't expect to see you here...(and it goes on).

Here's my response:

Dear JetBlue-
Waddya mean you "didn't expect me here??" I was in the middle of choosing my seat during the checkout process. I clicked "continue" and you guys sent me here. Saying you "didn't expect to see me here" is pretty much a UI issue, no? Here's a thought- you should either fix this glitch, or not admit to me that you don't know why I got redirected here. And seriously guys- get a writer who's gone through the 20 steps involved with purchasing a flight. 'Cuz saying "This is not really a problem" when it happens right before you ask for my credit card is just fucking annoying. Worst. Error. Message. Ever.
Sincerely,
YOUFAIL

RIP

It was just announced (via myspace) that Charlie Cooper, the other half of Telefon Tel Aviv passed away on Jan. 22nd. Another music maker gone too soon. One tear.

Lyrics for this year

David Gray's This Year's Love

This years love had better last
Heaven knows it's high time
And I've been waiting on my own too long
But when you hold me like you do
It feels so right
I start to forget
How my heart gets torn
When that hurt gets thrown
Feeling like you can't go on

Turning circles when time again
It cuts like a knife oh yeah
If you love me got to know for sure
Cos it takes something more this time
Than sweet sweet lies
Before I open up my arms and fall
Losing all control
Every dream inside my soul
And when you kiss me
On that midnight street
Sweep me off my feet
Singing ain't this life so sweet

This years love had better last
This years love had better last

So whose to worry
If our hearts get torn
When that hurt gets thrown
Don't you know this life goes on
And won't you kiss me
On that midnight street
Sweep me off my feet
Singing ain't this life so sweet

This years love had better last
This years love had better last
This years love had better last
This years love had better last

Greens

I twittered the universe looking for "TREES."
My friend Dan-E's response,"How about this tree?"

Pam Anderson x Vivienne Westwood

Newest ads for Viv's Spring/Summer '09 collection. Viv and her hubs are in them too. Love it or hate it?

Lyrics of the day

You can't fight without making up, but you've gotta figure that part out on your own. Good luck.

Regina Spektor's The Call
It started out as a feeling
Which then grew into a hope
Which then turned into a quiet thought
Which then turned into a quiet word

And then that word grew louder and louder
Til it was a battle cry

I'll come back
When you call me
No need to say goodbye

Just because everything's changing
Doesn't mean it's never
Been this way before

All you can do is try to know
Who your friends are
As you head off to the war

Pick a star on the dark horizon
And follow the light

You'll come back
When it's over
No need to say good bye

You'll come back
When it's over
No need to say good bye

Now we're back to the beginning
It's just a feeling and no one knows yet
But just because they can't feel it too
Doesn't mean that you have to forget

Let your memories grow stronger and stronger
Til they're before your eyes

You'll come back
When they call you
No need to say good bye

You'll come back
When they call you
No need to say good bye

Happy Monday

Thumper must die.

Guess who showed The Thumper who's boss this weekend?!

Starting at 8:30 pm on Saturday nite, my neighbor Casey and I started to hear swarms of people going up the stairs. I live in an old building; when one person goes up/down the stairs, it sounds like 20, so imagine if you hear more than one person...As my neighbor and I saw the last installment of ugly posers truck up the stairs, we got worried. Twenty minutes later, with my apartment vibrating and sand falling from the ceiling, we realized...Dumb Thumper bitch decided to throw a party. And by "party" I mean 30-40 Berklee kids crammed into a 200 sq. foot apt. playing Beirut and singing along to Fiona Apple.

So, this is how it all went down:
Rather than get super pissed so early in the nite, we decided to take baby steps and flip the switch. And by "switch" I mean the fuse. That's right, it started by turning the electricity off to half her apt. To be fair, I turned it off in my apartment too, but I was willing to sacrifice the food in my fridge if it taught this bitch a lesson. As I'm returning from the fuse box, lo and behold, The Thumper appeared at my door. Now, just to describe her...I had never actually seen her before and it is now confirmed why she's The Thumper. She wears Ugg boots. She's portly. She has long heavy, wavy, auburnish-red hair- exactly how you'd imagine a large Thumper upstairs to live (and yes, I'm fully judging her). Drunkenly, she tried to apologize for the noise and assured me that all the losers were leaving at midnite- it was only 9:30 pm. This is what was said:

Thumper: I'm so sorry about the noise and stuff, I've never lived in an apartment so I don't really know how to do this kinda thing. But I swear we'll all be leaving around midnite."
Me: That's fine, just do me a favor, stop dropping shit.
Thumper: (apparently she thought this was funny) (laughing) Ok, I'll try, but I'm just really clumsy.
Me: That's fine and all, but you've gotta stop dropping shit. Seriously. I don't know what you're dropping, but it's kinda ridiculous.
Thumper: Ok thanks. See you later.

The dropping of shit did not stop. Two hours, later, the sing-along began. Before I ran up and punched her throat, I got reinforcements, i.e. Casey (my neighbor). She had her ipod in, so I knew the Thumper was affecting her too. As a collective mini-army, we go upstairs, and make 2 loitering kids in the hall get The Thumper. On her door, we see this sign (written on bright-red paper, btw) "Dear Neighbors, Sorry about the noise. We'll be leaving by midnight, I promise. Love (actually, it was a heart), 4a."

Casey and I looked at each other and snickered. This bitch actually thought that a sign was gonna prevent people from getting pissed. Maybe it would've a day before, had she had forewarned us about her weak attempts at a soiree and invited us to stop by (p.s. we wouldn't have been caught dead there). I digress. The door opens and The Thumper's wasted. She takes one look at me and her smile drops. I looked at her and literally, all I said was "Not ok." HAHAHHAHAHHAHAHHA (Ryan, I woulda made you proud).

She goes, "Omg, I'm sorry." Looks back at all the wasted 20-year olds she probably spent the whole nite trying to convince how cool she was and goes "Guys, parties over. Everyone needs to get out- we're gotta go to the bar!"

SUCCESS!!!

I should probably mention that The Thumper has at least one of these shin-digs at least once a month. This one was tame in that there weren't kids hanging over the fire escape yelling "STELLA" at everyone who walked by. Our landlord strongly prohibits undergrad kids living her for the obvious reasons. Of course I didn't wanna be that lame old asshole who gets mad at neighbors for throwing parties, but shit, once in awhile, you gotta have a movie nite. And in all honesty, once she apologized the first time, I turned her power back on (she's so stupid, she doesn't even know where the fuse box is). So it's not like I ruined her party. Plus, when she finally kicked everyone out, it was 11:45 pm. so I hung in there the whole time.

Moral of the story: Letters to The Thumper don't work. Banging on the ceiling to tell The Thumper to shut the fuck up don't work. Going upstairs and scaring the shit out of The Thumper...WORKS.

It was a good weekend.

Courtesy of the lovely Vicki

Sweet stickers

New Buff stickers. Awesome.

History in the making

Twins Jenna and Barbara Bush wrote a letter to Sasha and Malia Obama via the Wall Street Journal giving them advice on how to make the most out of the time in the White House. They really portray their time there as being magical. The best part is that boozy Jenna contributed- you know...the same boozy Jenna that wasn't smart enough to avoid getting arrested for booze. If I were the Obama girls, I'm not sure I'd take her advice...

When my old partner Andy and I left our flat in Prague, we started this "bible" where we left hints and notes to the interns following us on how to make the most out of their experience there. We wrote stuff about the landlords, the people we worked with, names of waiters, where to barf in public and not get arrested, etc. Once we left, we emailed the next set of interns and told them where to find the bible. For about 2 years, every MAS school intern who came through Prague, had contributed to the bible and continued on its legacy.

That's the kind of shit Jen and Babs Bush shoulda done for Sasha and Malia, not sending in a stupid letter to the WSJ and hope the girls actually read that shit. Why didn't they send it in to CosmoGirl or something (ya, ya, I know that magazine is dead)? Or better yet, they shoulda just hid it somewhere- like in a crawl space or something! Their advice isn't even anything that exciting a normal person wouldn't jump in on. I mean honestly, "slide down the banister"- DUH. Gimme shit like if your hamster dies, bury it next to ours in the Habitrail Cemetery™ on the far east side of the great lawn- everyone's gerbil is buried there.

Anyway, I guess it's still pretty cool of them to have written it. It still doesn't make me like George W. though. Not even a tiny bit. Not even for a nanosecond. I still fuckin' hate him and hope that his first grandchild is an adorable gay boy who grows up to be a tranny. I bet that'd really piss him off...