I'ma be me

Dearest Blogosphere-
Been going through some shit lately and I'm thinking of making a drastic move for the betterment of mankind. I'm thinking of joining the Peace Corps. I'm not strong enough physically to join the actual armed forces and my knee would never survive boot camp, but mentally, I think I'm ready for a big change. Despite my hopes and dreams of being the world's best sniper, I think the Peace Corps might be it for me.

For years I've been convinced that nothing in life will ever surpass my love for advertising. I've lived and breathed it so much so, that even in interviews when they've asked what I do in my spare time, I can't think of anything to say other than how much I love the industry. That's when they either think I'm pathetic, or that I'm kissing ass. I guess both have been kind of true.

I've fallen in and out of love with people who work right beside me. I've had love/hate relationships with the work I've created. But in this industry either you're a big deal, or your not. I've devoted my whole life thus far to be a big deal and I fear that I've become a big deal more in the social aspect of it than the work aspect. No matter how hard I seem to try, I just can't seem to get a break. And I've been OK with that for all this time. All that's mattered to me is that when I wake up in the morning, I want to be psyched I'm going to work to a place I love. Sure, there have been on and off days, but there's nothing I do on a daily basis that I can truly be proud of. There's always someone right beside you to steal your thunder; someone above you to take the credit; and/or someone who crushes your hopes of doing something truly great. I'm getting tired of hoping that one day someone I'll get that dream job or that someone will let me do what I'm best at.

I don't want to feel like I constantly need to prove myself, or that my ideas are actually pretty smart. There are people who have it or they don't. For the past couple of years, I've worked with many who've somehow convinced the world that they have it, while I slip through the cracks. It's a terrible way to live. I don't want to be surrounded by people who don't know what I'm capable of or won't give me a chance to show them- hell, I shouldn't HAVE to. I KNOW I have it. I don't need them to tell me I'm creative, I know I am!

And so, this brings me to the Peace Corps. I want to wake up and be psyched about my job again. I wanna know that what I'm doing is TRULY helping people. I don't want to compete with the person next to me for a good idea- I want to applaud them, to show them that not everything is about who wins or loses. I wanna hear good ideas about how to make life better and actually follow through with them- without a malicious, jealous thought running through my mind. I want to be good again and I want to surround myself with people who want the same.